Of all the fairy tales children are told, from Santa Claus to the Easter Bunny and everything in between, there is one that stands out as truly creepy and confusing as to its purpose.
If you think about the idea of the tooth fairy, it should be absolutely terrifying for children. Some mythical entity comes into their room while they’re sleeping, slides it’s greasy, pillaging hand under their pillows and pilfers their pearly whites. Oh sure, it leaves you a dollar for your empty socket, but whose idea was this? If it turned out to be true, why would this even be acceptable? I think Guillermo del Toro had the right idea with his mischievous little tooth fairies in Hellboy.
I’m getting off track here. With such awkward transactions taking place night after night around the world, one dad saw an opportunity to make it a truly memorable experience. You know, cause a fairy paying you for dead teeth isn’t already memorable enough…
Enter Kellie Dawson’s husband. This clever dad decided to write his daughter a well-crafted, snarky letter from the tooth fairy explaining just how tedious and inconvenient the timing of her lost tooth was—because not only is the tooth fairy a weirdo creeper, its’s kind of an a**hole too.
Check out the full letter below:
You couldn’t wait until I was back from my holidays? there I was, sitting on a beach in Bermuda sipping a very alcoholic (but not too sugary) drink, when I get a text from one of my gumshoes telling me one of your pearly whites has escaped!!
(See what I did there?)
So then I’m on a boat, then a taxis, then a plane, followed by another taxi, a train, a replacement bus service, an uber, a unicycle and a tractor (don’t ask) — all to give you a measly two quid! Normally I make good money on teeth (unless I get done for incisor trading!), but this time I am seriously out of pocket.
Plus, I missed the beach barbecue and there was a cute leprechaun I had my eye on!
So, here you go! Here’s your cash. Spend it wisely!! No sweets or sugary drinks. I’m heading back to Bermuda and I have to be quick as my tractor leaves in five minutes.
If your other tooth comes out over half term do me a favor and glue it back for a bit! Let me have the rest of my holiday! This is a stressful job — some days it’s like pulling teeth! — And I need a break.
All the best, blah blah
Way to go dad. This is something your daughter will remember her whole life, even when the disturbing mystique of the tooth fairy wears off.