Mosquitos are bloodsucking a**holes and picky eaters, but why?

It seems like some people can’t even walk to their mailbox without being eaten alive by these little blood sucking pests, while other people can hike across a festering swamp and never attract a single bite. If you’re one of those unfortunate souls who is prime mosquito bait, what can you do to keep them off you and why exactly are they so attracted to you in the first place?

Why you?

First let’s start with what might make you a match made in heaven for these pests. Mosquitos are attracted to warmth and can be influenced by the expulsion of carbon dioxide. So, the bigger you are, the more relative heat you give off and the more CO2 you exhale, making you a human bug magnet.

Hair Color

Blonde hair? You may have more fun, but that fun is likely to include more mosquitos. Science has yet to decipher why, but mosquitos seem to prefer blondes.

Perfume

Are you one of those people who can’t leave home without taking a perfume bath? If your fragrance of choice includes floral scents, get ready for the onslaught. These types of aromas are especially attractive to mosquitos.

Clothing

Your emo cousin Stan doesn’t hate the outdoors because the sun is too bright, it’s because his black wardrobe makes him a prime target for the swarm. Dark colors hold heat greater than lighter colors, making them more attractive for a potential lunch date.

So, you’re a blonde giant who adores black gothic robes, what can you do to combat your unfortunate circumstances? What substances really repel these f*ckers?

What DOESN’T work

Bug Zappers

You’d need a bug zapper the size of the moon and a way to carry it around with you for this to really be successful. Moving on.

Vitamin B

This has become a popular myth, but there is absolutely no science to it. By all means keep getting your vitamins, but don’t expect them to help you stay bump free.

Citronella

These sprays and candles are all the rage. The truth is, they’re only effective for 3-10 minutes after application. This is just long enough for you to pound a few drinks and start getting your buzz on. This is why you wake up the next day covered in bites with no idea why. Just blame the booze like you always do.

What substances actually work?

Three substances have been proven to be consistently effective at repelling mosquitos while remaining safe for humans:

Catnip

It’s not just for cats anymore. Proven to be 10x as effective as DEET.

Beautyberry

Known as a folk remedy in the south, but this is no tall tale. The stuff actually works marvelously.

Peppermint Oil

Not only is this scent appealing to humans, it repels mosquitos AND their larvae. Finding inventive ways to put peppermint oil around your deck and outdoor areas could save you a lot of hassle as things warm up.

There you have it: Shave your head. Wear your best Sunday whites. Go on a diet. Bathe in peppermint oil. Presto, you’re mosquito free!

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