Tuesday , 22 August 2017

Reasons Bikinis Are An Invention Of Satan

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Hell is a bikini and some large waves.

Bikini bottoms are approximately 3 inches of fabric, which means you have to groom A LOT in order to avoid looking like you’re hiding a troll doll.

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Bikinis basically have zero support for your best friends. (Your boobs)

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If you try to give yourself some support, you end up exposing some serious underboob which isn’t pleasant for anyone involved.

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And if tops DO have support it comes in the form of 9 inches of padding, which is just excessive, and now your boobs are at your chin.

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But if you go sans padding you have some serious nipples showing and the 2 centimeters of fabric won’t hide it.

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You have to be constantly aware of your side boobage and make sure it doesn’t turn into nippleage.

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 In order to make sure your top doesn’t come crumbling off, you have to double knot your top which results in A SORE FREAKING NECK. So painful yet necessary.

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And in order for your bottoms to stay on while participating in any sort of activity, you have to suffocate your hips.

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Forget trying to swim. Jump in a pool and down go your bottoms and to the side goes your top.

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And the lack of support makes it incredibly difficult to move so you are forced to walk slowly toward the ice cream truck instead of dashing to get the firecracker.

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And the minute you step foot into the ocean a wave will certainly wash away your bathing suit along with your dignity.

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Bikinis are basically hell for anyone with boobs on the smaller side. There is nothing to compensate.

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It’s impossible to get bottoms and tops that are both right for your body shape because, SHOCKER, not every woman is shaped the same.

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The less fabric, the more expensive.

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Many bikinis become transparent when wet which is perfect because who SWIMS while wearing a SWIMsuit am I right?

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While wearing a bikini, you are practically naked yet expected to be self confident.

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Gravity + bikinis = disaster.

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And if you’re lucky enough to have a wedgie, literally everyone around you can see it. Good luck trying to be sneaky about that.

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