Reasons Summer Sucks For Anyone With Big Boobs

And face-up means you’re at risk of suffocation by your own boobies.

Two words: Underboob sweat.

Underboob sweat. Literally the bane of your entire existence.

Trickling-down-your-cleavage sweat: clocking in at a close second.

And cleavage sweat stains. Sooooo attractive.

The fact that boob deodorant exists and that, now that you know that, you’re tempted to try it out.

Moving on. You know when it’s super hot and all you want is to wear light, thin fabrics? They make bras like that!

Just… Not for you.

All the teeny-boobed girls around you are in cool strapless clothes. And you just can’t be.

It’s swimsuit season. So, for you, it’s flash-everyone-at-the-beach-by-mistake season.

And nope, it looks nowhere near this attractive ^

You get to do that fun thing where you have to buy an XXXXXXXXXXXL bikini top and a medium bottom.

And if not, you face the dreaded leaking underboob.

While we’re at the beach: Lying down is IMPOSSIBLE. Face-down means this happens:

Found an adoooorable summery backless dress? Probably. Found a backless bra that actually works for you?

And when everyone else is adorable in crop tops, yours get a bit too cropped.

And unless you look like Beyoncé, it isn’t very fun at all.

Bought a pretty, airy button-down that’s perfect for summer? Haha, no such thing.

Because in order for it to be public-appropriate, it is now twice as warm.

You want to wear low cut clothes to keep cool, but the twin girls see it as an invitation to come out and play.

Also, hi there stretchmarks. Meet the whole damn world.

These summery Instagrams that everyone else gets to do would be X-rated as hell if you did them.

In fact, everything you ‘gram all summer should probably come with an Explicit Content label.

Oh, well. Take solace in the fact that this joy is more delightful now than ever:

And good luck, ladies. We’re aaaaall in this together.