Stages Of Not Eating Carbs

stages-of-not

The bread is the life 🙁

You become intimidated by the fact that you’re basically cutting out an entire food group.

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You panic when you realise how many foods have carbs in them.

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AND DRINKS 🙁

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But you are mildly scandalised by the concept of being allowed to eat peanut butter and bacon.

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You wonder what you’re going to have for breakfast if you can’t have toast or cereal.

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You figure pretty much peanut-butter-on-bacon.

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stages-of-not

Despite this amazing breakfast, for a while you cannot believe how much you miss carbohydrates.

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stages-of-not

 Everyone around you seems to be eating a croissant wrapped in a pie folded into a GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH.

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Dinners out take forever because of your complicated instructions for the waiter (“Burger, no bun, please”).

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People at work think you’re weird when you take to carrying nuts and vegetables about your person, much like a squirrel.

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After some time, as impossible as it sounds, you even grow tired of peanut butter and bacon (and meat and cheese and eggs).

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Briefly you fall into the trap of buying low-carb products in bulk, despite their exorbitant price and the fact that they smell of cat pee.

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Then you come to your senses and go online to search for healthy low-carb recipes that actually taste good (and don’t smell like cat pee).

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The humble cauliflower starts to blow your mind.

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You learn to make egg-fried cauliflower ‘rice’, buttery garlic cauliflower mash, and even cauliflower ‘cous cous’.

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And if the pizza aficionados in your life claim that it’s “better than Domino’s” you MAY shed a tear of pride.

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Well done, you! You have mastered the dark arts of low-carb!

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You’re still kind of annoying in restaurants, though.

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And, when you go back to carbs, everyone had better give you a moment alone with your first plate of chips.

stages-of-not

stages-of-not

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