Hell is a bikini and some large waves.

Bikini bottoms are approximately 3 inches of fabric, which means you have to groom A LOT in order to avoid looking like you’re hiding a troll doll.

Bikinis basically have zero support for your best friends. (Your boobs)

If you try to give yourself some support, you end up exposing some serious underboob which isn’t pleasant for anyone involved.

And if tops DO have support it comes in the form of 9 inches of padding, which is just excessive, and now your boobs are at your chin.

But if you go sans padding you have some serious nipples showing and the 2 centimeters of fabric won’t hide it.

You have to be constantly aware of your side boobage and make sure it doesn’t turn into nippleage.

 In order to make sure your top doesn’t come crumbling off, you have to double knot your top which results in A SORE FREAKING NECK. So painful yet necessary.

And in order for your bottoms to stay on while participating in any sort of activity, you have to suffocate your hips.

Forget trying to swim. Jump in a pool and down go your bottoms and to the side goes your top.

And the lack of support makes it incredibly difficult to move so you are forced to walk slowly toward the ice cream truck instead of dashing to get the firecracker.

And the minute you step foot into the ocean a wave will certainly wash away your bathing suit along with your dignity.

Bikinis are basically hell for anyone with boobs on the smaller side. There is nothing to compensate.

It’s impossible to get bottoms and tops that are both right for your body shape because, SHOCKER, not every woman is shaped the same.

The less fabric, the more expensive.

Many bikinis become transparent when wet which is perfect because who SWIMS while wearing a SWIMsuit am I right?

While wearing a bikini, you are practically naked yet expected to be self confident.

Gravity + bikinis = disaster.

And if you’re lucky enough to have a wedgie, literally everyone around you can see it. Good luck trying to be sneaky about that.

The post Reasons Bikinis Are An Invention Of Satan appeared first on Barnorama.

Tan at your own risk.

Beach Riot High Roller One-Piece Swimsuit

Kovey String-Back One-Piece Swimsuit

One Piece With Side Cut Outs

Suboo Cut Out Rash Guard

Lisa Maree Long + Short Of It One-Piece Swimsuit

Yes Master Tiger Cutout One-Piece Swimsuit

Agent Provocateur Mazzy Cutout Swimsuit

Norma Kamali Flip Mio Swimsuit

ASOS Mirror Floral Lattice Cut Out Triangle Swimsuit

Swim Sexy Midnight Plus Size Underwire Midkini

Cabarita Cut Out Swimsuit

ASOS Cupped Cut Out Trim Bandeau Swimsuit

Seekers Cut Out Snake Print One Piece Swimsuit

Asos Triangle Cut Out Knot Swimsuit

One Teaspoon 77 Superman Bodice

6 Shore Road Monokini

Mikoh Swimwear Makaha One Piece

MINIMALE ANIMALE Cutout Tee One-Piece Swimsuit

ASOS CURVE Swimsuit With Gold Studs And Cut-Out Neck

Antonio Cut Out Swimsuit

Beach Bunny Urban Jungle One Piece

The post Swimsuits That Are Going To Give You The Weirdest Tanlines Ever appeared first on Barnorama.

I wonder if Mrs. Claus owns something like this?

The post Jodie Marsh’s Itsy-Bitsy, Innapropriate Santa Claus Bikini appeared first on Barnorama.