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At least we’ll know whether she’s lip syncing.

First of all, let’s get something straight. People can poke fun at anything and anyone. But, a society staple of these lame jokes are blond(e) jokes. Now, people don’t have to be blonde to be ditzy, but these people just…

Oh, boy.

Do we need to go over the shotgunning rules again?

“What’s the number for 911?”

“Am I just hungover or will this stairs never end?”

It’s how the cool kids do it these days.

I wonder if they share a brain too.

Grammar fail.

My peeves don’t like it either.

Just wait till she figures it out.

Oh honey. You go on looking cute.

What if they said to search for bugs.

Photoshop 101. Or should I say 36D?

Did you even notice the numbers?

The movie is always better right?

 No no no no no no no. You’re making it too easy.

So a blonde girl walks into a bar…

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The Heraclitus.

I think therefore I am not going home with you.

The Nietzsche.

The Democritus.

The Aristotle.

The Berkeley.

The Descartes.

The John Stuart Mill.

The Leibniz.

The Plato.

The Kierkegaard.

The Socrates.

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Don’t be familiar.

This cringe worthy and ridiculously outdated dating guide was published by Parade Magazine back in 1938, to inform all the single ladies of the era on what to do and what not do on a first date with a gentleman.

What makes this guide so sexist is not really the tips themselves. They are just a mixture of common sense and politeness for everyone (for the most part)…it’s just that they are all phrased in an extremely sexist way. Honestly, as the tips go, I think we’ve all seen much worse in Cosmo.

Don’t be sentimental.

Don’t use the car mirror.

Don’t sit in awkward positions.

Do your dressing.

Men don’t like…

Don’t be careless.

Wear a brassiere.

Seriously, don’t be familiar.

Don’t talk about clothes.

Don’t be conspicuous.

Don’t drink too much

Else this will happen.

That last one, “Don’t pass out drunk at dinner” is pretty good advice for almost any outing, during any time period.

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Who knew you could get such guidance from a fictional twelve year old?

 Flirting is the most fun hobby invented by humanity

And it’s totally acceptable to lust after strangers.

As long as you don’t get creepy about it, as evidenced here.

Set personal boundaries and stick by them.

For example: Don’t date anyone who treats you with condescension.

Practice, practice, practice…preferably not with a gas-powered lawn tool.

Be true to yourself. Otherwise you might date people you have nothing in common with.

Don’t listen to the haters.

Seriously, nothing is more important than believing in yourself.

Be open minded. You can meet your true love anywhere.

But remember to keep your expectations realistic.

Watch out for the “Romance Zone”. You are not obligated to date anyone you don’t want to!

Dating can be scary but just keep in mind:

And you’ll have this shit on lock-down like a…

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“So, are you seeing anyone?”

“It’ll happen when you least expect it.”

“Don’t you ever get lonely?”

“Aren’t you worried you won’t be able to have kids?”

“Are you seeing anyone?”

 “You should try online dating. My friend met their husband/wife that way.”

“They don’t deserve you.”

“You are such a catch.”

“Don’t worry you’ll find someone someday.”

“He’s just not ready for a serious commitment yet.”

“One day when you’re married, you’ll wish you were single.”

“There are plenty of fish in the sea.”

You’re just too picky.”

“Just don’t turn into some crazy cat lady.”

“She probably just lost your number.”

At a wedding: “You better get out there, they’re doing the bouquet toss.”

“You’re just too busy right now.”

“You have to love yourself before you can love someone else.”

 In reference to your best friend: “Have you guys ever thought of dating?”

“I can’t wait to meet your future spouse, they are going to be amazing.”

“We’ll all be laughing about this someday.”

 “You should let me set you up, I know the perfect person for you.”

“Don’t give up, it’ll happen.”

“You don’t need anyone.” DAMN RIGHT!

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These stories will make the stork seem like a legitimate birthing method.

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Don’t read it if you don’t care about the Game of Thrones.

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1. Every time they tell a joke, you’re like…

Remember the days when everything with your significant other was exciting and new?

2. You miss quiet time by yourself.

3. They pee with the door open.

4. When you ask them to do anything around the house, they’re like…

5. They tell you they “forgot” to take out the trash when they just didn’t feel like it.

6. You feel like there’s an ulterior motive when they say you look nice.

7. They make you listen to the new songs they write and you have no idea how to react.

8. You try to have a normal conversation and everything is a “that’s what she said ” joke.

9. Their body just doesn’t seem like what it used to be.

10. They constantly tell you you’re wrong.

11. You’re always too tired to cuddle.

12. When you’re in a good mood, everything they say makes you smile…

But when you’re not, all you hear is whining.

13. They don’t want to eat anything you request for dinner but they don’t know what they want either.

14. Pretty much everything they do has annoyed you at some point.

15. Sometimes you’ll just have to watch something on TV that you hate…

16. Or admit that you’re wrong.

In the end it’s OK, because you love each other!

And that’s really all you need.

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