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“What a lovely surprise.”

“Went out to my car today to go get groceries. I don’t even know what happened “

“Threw out my lower back last week and was down for 3 days. Used a percussive massager on it, broke loose a kidney stone, passed it, that caused a UTI.”

“Yup. That’s my last vial.”

“Amazon Prime left their mark.”

“Wife had a flat tire the other day, and after it was changed my mechanic found this inside.”

“ATM chomped up my Christmas shopping budget as a treat”

“The credit card machine is broken and I do not have enough cash to pay for fuel.”

“No more swimming in the nude…”

“I told my fiancée that I wanted to invest in a GameCube. Today, she “surprised” me with this early Christmas gift.”

“Insane Neighbour decided to throw bricks at my car.”

“Opened my unit to get my Christmas decorations only to find it covered in mold.”

“Getting jury duty for the day after Christmas.”

“Forgot I had eggs boiling”

“Leg space in a Cricket stadium.”

“Got into my car to go to work, closed my door, and heard a shattering noise.”

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“I bought some crab dip today and was really excited about my special snack for myself..”

“My mom baked a huge batch of walnut and cardamom shortbread for a get-together only for it to be canceled because the host got attacked by a swarm of yellow jackets.”

“Cooked curry for the past 2 hours only to find out the Zucchini tasted bitter…I have to trash it now.”

“I think my siri is low-key evil.”

“The “cheese dip” I got with my takeout at lunch today was still just shredded cheese.”

“I accidentally dropped my laptop charger on my iPad Pro that I’ve kept in perfect condition since 2020.”

“Heard some noise outside the fence last night as the wife and I enjoyed our Japanese private bath. Went to check it out today and found hole that can be used for peeping.”

“My gfs mom backed into (my old car) in October 2024. Today August 2025 she did it again to my new car. Girlfriends mom takes no responsibility both times saying it was my fault because both times it happened I was working a different shift at work, and that I should have stuck to my normal shift. me and girlys relationship is at an all time strain level.”

“An explosion in the drunk neighbor’s apartment just 4 days after I finally dared to buy a flat with all my money and years of loans.”

“Crashed my first car of one month, and then got fired in the same week. Life.”

“My gray hairs always stick up like antenna.”

“I’ve been mixing paint for 8 years. First time my entire fist somehow ended up in the can.”

“Forgot to ask casheir to remove this.”

“Many moons ago, someone had a bad day.”

“12 foot truck went under an 11’9” bridge”

“My neighbor’s boat is through the roof.”

“My Arizona Tea had stuff growing in it.”

“Watermelon was fermenting and exploded, vinegar ran all over the kitchen.”

“My last name is Corona. I have to explain to each and every service that whatever I do isn’t a joke.”

“Water corporation dug up the pathway in front of my garage with zero notice, no idea when it will be finished. Car trapped inside.”

“This is the 4th time this has happened.”

“He’s having a little trouble keeping up with traffic.”

“Been feeling self conscious about some recent weight gain. Wife tells me it’s in my head and I need to be kinder to myself. Then this happens.”

“After a year of growing my pineapple was finally ready to be picked.”

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“Turned my back for two minutes and my 2-year-old got creative with the Switch controllers..”

“Just got locked INSIDE my storage facility.”

“Been waiting ages for this, postman threw it through the kitchen window into the washing up bowl and, well yeah destroyed.”

“So, turns out abscesses are very bad if ur not careful.”

“Just destroyed a family heirloom. My father used the bowl for noodles and food in his first apartment in 1991, then my brother in 2016. Now I’m moving into my first apartment and just before the front door I slip and most of the glasses and the bowl break.”

“Someone decided to take a shit on my doorstep.”

“Well there’s your problem.”

“The only chair available to sit on while getting an oil change.”

“Left chicken in the oven 4-5 hours as I slept. No dinner for me last night.”

“NO ONE is safe from the blue screen of death… not even Times Square.”

“Purchased online prior to a trip to the water park today. Opened them only to discover… I’m a size 14 but can squeeze into a 13 when needed for shoes that don’t come in larger sizes. But size 11 is no bueno.”

“Sneezed right before blowing out a candle.”

“I’ve been getting harassed by Avis for a car I never rented for months now. Now they are saying the car is totaled.”

“A tree limb pierced our house javlin style.”

“Went to hop into the hot tub. It’s suddenly green and frothy.”

“They forgot the mozzarella in my mozzarella sticks.”

“I couldn’t get my passport done today because of my bizarre fingerprints.”

“My parents’ pool exploded today.”

“I got back to my car at 11:05. The gate out of the parking lot was locked.”

“Someone stolen our ac unit.”

“Forgot to turn my wifi back on after a local outage.”

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“Came home this morning to this…”

“Pulled this su**er from my dogs nape.”

“This loaf of bread that I bought to make sandwiches.”

“Opened a can of Friskies cat food and got this.”

“Came back to my college apartment from a 2 week vacation to mold all over furniture.”

“Concrete overflowed out of the toilet.”

“Got laid off yesterday. This was the box they sent me to send my equipment back.”

“Suspected someone was stealing so I put a 2 20s and a $100 in my wallet along with these singles. Then my GF stayed over.”

“Didn’t think I needed to check my Vaseline before buying.”

“I made a grave mistake while preparing a chai latte for my wife.”

“Well… this is less than ideal… triumph steering lock engaged”

“Was 45 minutes away from turning in my Turo rentacar.”

“My night sweats.”

“My sun mark when I went out cycling.”

“My grocery prices change based on my shopping history.”

“My knife broke the moment I tried to use it with a baton”

“Just got my bachelors degree in the mail…soaking wet”

“Went out past 10 for once, but I couldn’t open Google maps to get home.”

“Finally got the comics I was looking for..”

“Security” code for my Grandfathers credit card.”

“Someone’s bag fell off the carrier at Prague airport”

“Dropped my dinner and had to throw my rug in the wash cos cheese had melted on it.”

“Was in a good financial position after a lot of work, so finally adopted my first dog 2 months ago. He ran off a cliff and broke his back, surgery cost more than my car.”

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