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“Sneezing while driving is really dangerous”

“We’re told anything on the internet is there forever, but when we need to find that one porn video from years ago it’s suddenly nowhere to be found.”

“Sweatpants were made for physical activity, but wearing them in public makes you seem lazy”

“You don’t see a lot of obese 80-year-olds.”

“A mile a minute sounds a lot faster than 60 MPH”

“Water is never truly yours it’s just your turn to drink it.”

“Water is never truly yours it’s just your turn to drink it.”

“CEOs earning more is justified through the importance of successful decision-making, but when they make an unsuccessful decision, their salary is not cut down, they just lay off workers.”

“Somebody out there has the loosest butthole in the world”

“Despite inflation, the price of a vowel on Wheel of Fortune has remained the same for over 40 years.”

“Naming children after dead relatives is very common, but naming a pet after a past dead pet is incredibly weird”

“You can hack so many people by just knowing their birthday”

“Nothing quite ruins sexting like typos”

“Cats are almost constantly covered in their own saliva.”

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