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“In the Harry Potter Universe, technically anybody could legally and freely explore the body of anyone else if they really wanted to and whenever they wanted, so long as they had access to a single strand of that person’s hair and some Polyjuice Potion.”

“How do nudists clean their glasses?”

“There is a non-zero chance humans may have already gone back in time to keep humanity from suffering worse historical and current events than we already have, and this is actually the brightest timeline.”

“Social media companies in the future will be viewed like tobacco companies. Knowingly pushing a harmful & addictive product for profit.”

“Five stars being the default leaves no room to reward people who go the extra mile.”

“What if the reason we don’t remember the first 2-3 years of life is because we’re so traumatized by the journey of birth, that we blacked it out to forget it.”

“A group of squid should be called a squad. “

“There will eventually be a time where we meet a kid who says something like “What’s Instagram?” or “What was a Face Book?””

“Whatever happens inside our bodies happens in pitch-black darkness.”

“Firefly is the opposite of waterfall.”

“Since most ghosts of people we could interact with died after the typewriter was invented, Ouija Boards should really be made QWERTY style.”

“It’s impolite to call someone a devil unless they just walked into the room.”

“Trying to get all the groceries into the house in a single load is both lazy and ambitious.”

“Since dwarven women have beards, Gimli would have thought that Galadrial would be even hotter if she had a beard.”

“30 years ago, talking to yourself in a coffee shop meant you were crazy. Today, they just assume you’re on a call and think nothing more of it.”

“We don’t really see Ronald McDonald anymore.”

“You only have one birthday; the rest are congratulations for surviving each year.”

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“Death is a paradox. It makes everything meaningless while it also gives meaning to everything.”

“Pressing the ‘lock’ button on your car key fob multiple times is the grown-up version of saving your game twice.”

“The richest person on Earth is technically also the richest person in the universe, since our definition of rich is owning a lot of Earth money, and there’s no way for extraterrestrial life to obtain it.”

“Most people would find licking the inside of a pipe disgusting but wouldn’t think twice about drinking water coming from that same pipe.”

“Whenever you eat canned pieces of fruit, you are more than likely sharing one whole fruit with someone hundreds of miles away.”

“Headaches make you realize how much you take not having one for granted.”

“Academic grades are strange in that while you’re in school they are the most heavily weighted indicator of your potential, but they are never considered important after your first job post-school.”

“Maybe midlife crises aren’t really crises at all; the person has just reached a point in their life when they can do what they want and don’t care what anyone else thinks. The people who are upset by it are just mad that their opinion doesn’t matter.”

“You probably know more Latin, a dead language, than you do Mandarin, the most common native tongue.”

“You never really know how much fun you’re having until you look back at that same moment years later.”

“A successful marriage ends with watching the other person die.”

“A rating of two stars is worse than a rating of one star because you know whoever rated it actually tried and tested it, and they’re not a troll or blind hater.”

“Your belly button is just your old mouth.”

“The brain not only named itself, but it also recognized that it named itself and was surprised when it realized that.”

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“It’s not okay to eat food that’s been left out all night for breakfast, unless it’s pizza.”

“Apple AirPods have free engraving so that someone is less likely to buy your used case.”

“Texas has the reputation of the largest US state despite not being the largest US state”

“Almost every mythical creature sighting in ancient times can be explained by the fact that visually impaired people didn’t have glasses back then”

“People often forget that you can use spaces while creating password which are more secure than random gibberish”

“Clown is the only legitimate profession that’s also an insult.”

“Liquor enthusiasts always list off non-consumable items when describing the taste of liquor.”

“All the beautiful people on Instagram are nowhere to be seen in real life.”

“Insurance is a lottery that everyone plays, but only the unlucky wins.”

“We get raised as children to never swear, only to realise basically everyone swears as an adult”

“Somebody on earth is close to 100% compatible with you but the probability you’ll meet that person is close to 0%”

“There’s a tree out there that sprouted the same day you were born and has been growing with you”

“In a lot of ways, it’s more expensive to be poor.”

“Comic Sans is the Nickelback of fonts. It’s not really that bad, it’s just popular to talk sh#t about it”

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