“What a lovely surprise.”

“Went out to my car today to go get groceries. I don’t even know what happened “

“Threw out my lower back last week and was down for 3 days. Used a percussive massager on it, broke loose a kidney stone, passed it, that caused a UTI.”

“Yup. That’s my last vial.”

“Amazon Prime left their mark.”

“Wife had a flat tire the other day, and after it was changed my mechanic found this inside.”

“ATM chomped up my Christmas shopping budget as a treat”

“The credit card machine is broken and I do not have enough cash to pay for fuel.”

“No more swimming in the nude…”

“I told my fiancée that I wanted to invest in a GameCube. Today, she “surprised” me with this early Christmas gift.”

“Insane Neighbour decided to throw bricks at my car.”

“Opened my unit to get my Christmas decorations only to find it covered in mold.”

“Getting jury duty for the day after Christmas.”

“Forgot I had eggs boiling”

“Leg space in a Cricket stadium.”

“Got into my car to go to work, closed my door, and heard a shattering noise.”

Source

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