“There are small fires in places like the kitchens that happen somewhat regularly. Most of the time they’re controlled quickly and no one even knows they happened.
Norovirus outbreaks happen regularly. That’a a literal “oh s**t” moment for some people.”

“Everyone sleeps with everyone. The food for crew is nearly inedible. We do get to get off in port and go have a good time. Many ports have crew discounts for food and drink. There is a crew only bar, and beers are $1.50. Some ships have a crew only hot tub.”

“You have to take a somewhat intense physical before getting on board. This includes a drug test. Random drug tests also happen while on board.
Moral of the story? If you want a cruise ship job, stop smoking weed 3 weeks ago.”

“Videos of people having sex in public places (balconies, especially) are often disseminated among crew members. Most of the videos are unfortunately potato-quality, but I’ve seen some pretty interesting ones.”

“Get a free fridge in your room. Say it is a medical need for medication. Hippa laws mean they can’t pressure details out of you. May not work for smaller motel/hotel but should for most larger hotels/cruises”

“Somebody shot at the navigation bridge of the ship from the shore on my last ship, the bullet bounced off and hit my colleague on the hand (no real damage but it scares the hell out of her, ended up going home for a few weeks).
While we waited for the local police to come on and investigate and take statements, guests were told we were delaying the departure to take on fresh water. I’m still shocked that never leaked out.”

“People drop dead all the time, especially on some of the nicer lines that are basically floating retirement homes. Ironically it’s when there’s a survivable medical emergency that guests become aware of it, when they need to do an emergency evacuation either by tender boat or helicopter.”

“I was playing a production show (guitar) was standing on stage with a wireless unit alone to play Purple Rain, and then all of the sudden the house lights came on and the curtains closed.
Everyone in the audience looked at me, and I ran off the stage. Turns out a sewage pipe burst backstage and there was s**t everywhere. Show was cancelled and the passengers didn’t find out why.”

“I have plenty of of oh s**t moments but ill give you my biggest oh s**t moment, so we were stuck in the locks of Amsterdam for over 4 hrs and no indication of whats going on, after a few hrs had passed the captain came on the PA system and the reason we didnt leave was because there was a live mine from WW2 1km from the front of the ship”

“The staff on most all cruise lines are not trained nearly well enough to handle an abandon ship situation. It would be chaos if it were to happen on a large vessel. The safety briefing you go to is just theater and we want to be there even less than you do..”

“The captain earns bonuses for saving fuel. Leaving port early or arriving late means the ship can go slower and conserve fuel which means more money for the captain.”

“I am a cruise ship worker. First one is, we don’t want you to know that we actually have more fun than the guests. Just below and to the sides of where you are sleeping there are crew members having sex, smoking and drinking. Our beers are $1.
We are not allowed to f**k to passengers But we do know the all the knooks and crannies the cameras don’t reach.”

“We caught one of the seamen with his pants literally around his ankles as he was balls deep in one of the waitresses.
We skidoodled the heckaroo out of there and later found that it was actually a couple who were on the cruise as passengers and were roleplaying, and that we had actually barged into their cabin by accident while drunk.”

“Red Parties” is not a party you weren’t invited to. It means fire.
“Blue Parties” is still not a party. It’s a flood.
And the call for “Mr. Mob”? They’re not calling for a man whose surname is Mob. They’re calling out that there has been a Man Overboard (MOB).
Enjoy your cruise with your newfound knowledge!”

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