Who wouldn’t want to receive a card featuring small children getting drunk?

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When Santa threatens to show you his crack, it’s time to walk away from the greeting card.

What’s weird about this 1940s card is that the front is a Santa about to drop trou…and he transforms into a naked little girl? I’m lost.

Here, a selection of vintage holiday cards from the Victorian era up to the 1940s. They’re kind of weird.

So, you’d send this 1940s era card to the progeny of an “itch”? I am currently trying to wrap my mind around this concept.

Some time around the turn of the century, Santa’s sleigh broke down and he was forced to deliver presents in this jalopy.

It’s not the escaped convict you should be worried about but rather the Santa on meth you find on the inside.

You cross those legs, Sassy Santa. You cross ‘em real good.

This 1907 greeting shows what happens to Santa’s body while in chimney transit. Smoke legs.

Just in case you don’t get the joke of this 1948 card, I’ll spell it out for you: BIG BOOBS ARE FUNNY.

These snowpeople of the past are actually quite cute…except Mr. Snowman looks like he’s about to cry.

This rager pic is what you might see on Victorian-era Santa’s Facebook.

1905: Nope. Just nope.

These mini Santas: high on ‘nog, for sure.

The face of a future psychopath.

That one time, in 1910, when, in a moment of Christmas Eve exhaust, Santa lost himself. So much so that he became one with his surroundings.

This Santa of the early 1900s: “Wassssssaaaaaahhhhh.”

The most depressed snowman of the 1830s and the child who was immune to cold.

America in 1930 was clearly the worst.

It would appear this 1880 Santa didn’t think about proper baggage before leaving the house.

This 1885 Santa would have been better off becoming a ballet dancer — nice 4th position, man!

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