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“It’s not okay to eat food that’s been left out all night for breakfast, unless it’s pizza.”

“Apple AirPods have free engraving so that someone is less likely to buy your used case.”

“Texas has the reputation of the largest US state despite not being the largest US state”

“Almost every mythical creature sighting in ancient times can be explained by the fact that visually impaired people didn’t have glasses back then”

“People often forget that you can use spaces while creating password which are more secure than random gibberish”

“Clown is the only legitimate profession that’s also an insult.”

“Liquor enthusiasts always list off non-consumable items when describing the taste of liquor.”

“All the beautiful people on Instagram are nowhere to be seen in real life.”

“Insurance is a lottery that everyone plays, but only the unlucky wins.”

“We get raised as children to never swear, only to realise basically everyone swears as an adult”

“Somebody on earth is close to 100% compatible with you but the probability you’ll meet that person is close to 0%”

“There’s a tree out there that sprouted the same day you were born and has been growing with you”

“In a lot of ways, it’s more expensive to be poor.”

“Comic Sans is the Nickelback of fonts. It’s not really that bad, it’s just popular to talk sh#t about it”

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“Sneezing while driving is really dangerous”

“We’re told anything on the internet is there forever, but when we need to find that one porn video from years ago it’s suddenly nowhere to be found.”

“Sweatpants were made for physical activity, but wearing them in public makes you seem lazy”

“You don’t see a lot of obese 80-year-olds.”

“A mile a minute sounds a lot faster than 60 MPH”

“Water is never truly yours it’s just your turn to drink it.”

“Water is never truly yours it’s just your turn to drink it.”

“CEOs earning more is justified through the importance of successful decision-making, but when they make an unsuccessful decision, their salary is not cut down, they just lay off workers.”

“Somebody out there has the loosest butthole in the world”

“Despite inflation, the price of a vowel on Wheel of Fortune has remained the same for over 40 years.”

“Naming children after dead relatives is very common, but naming a pet after a past dead pet is incredibly weird”

“You can hack so many people by just knowing their birthday”

“Nothing quite ruins sexting like typos”

“Cats are almost constantly covered in their own saliva.”

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The brain is a weird place.

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