“Playing hard to get or other little games. If she’s interested too, she should be a mature person and pursue the mutual interest with equal effort.”

“The mentality of “I’m never the problem, everyone else has issues”. 

Just let’s my brain know to move along.” 

“Attention seeking. Looking around constantly to see if other people notice them, talking louder than the environment to draw attention, this weird fake “notice me energy”, I don’t even know how to put it into words but I can feel it from a hundred feet away already. Really bad vibrations.”

“The whole being too good for a simple date. I never met the girl and suggested a coffee date. She felt I wasn’t putting in enough effort because she’s too good for that to be a first date. She wanted me to take her to a nice Italian restaurant. I would totally have taken her to a nice restaurant on a later date. First date needs to be casual and easy to escape.”

“Cant put down their phones.”

“When women make things beyond difficult for waiters and waitresses. This is a HUGE red flag, especially if the wait staff is doing everything right or to the best of their abilities.”

“If a woman has no other topic to talk about than other people (especially their exes or women they lost them to) it’s a flag so red you could calibrate colour pickers on it.”

“Constantly talking about how “all their exes were crazy.”.”

“”If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”

It’s not only a bad implication, its also a weirdly confrontational thing to say before anyone has even said “hello.”.”

“Not offering to pay for anything. I always expect to pay for dates and rarely would let a date pay for anything but the expectation that they’ll pay for nothing ever is a red flag.

One of my favorite memories of my wife and I while dating was when we wanted to go out on a date but I didn’t have any money as it was between pay days. She smiled and said she’d gladly take me out and pay.

That was the best pizza I had ever had.

That was 14 years ago and to this day she’s still a kind and sweet person that is always willing to

Meet you where you are and go together thru anything.”

“When a woman will totally disregard their kids in order to completely focus on you.”

“One date, many years ago I spent a whole evening with a girl and payed for everything.

We talked for hours. Or, she did.

When she wanted another date I said sure, if you could tell me my name.

There was no other date.”

“IGing everything. It screams projection and needing validation from people who don’t matter.”

“Not being interested in their date.. not asking questions and not caring about anything.”

“Princess mentality.”

“Cares too much about social media validation.”

“**-The use of therapy language to disguise lack of emotional depth**

Accurately and precisely discerning your emotions and thoughts is a good skill, cleverly embellishing behaviours and feelings with social-media-hip-psychology less so, and really just comes off as you not ‘actually’ doing personal work.

**-Bodyshaming** 

Being obsessed with bringing other people down over how they look, especially when it’s things they can’t control. Seeing women do this to guys is low, seeing women do it to OTHER women? Even lower.

**-Berating/making fun of their partner in front of people**

 No idea why this is so common. It’s not cute or funny, and just makes you look like you hate each other behind closed doors.”

“Clear lacking of emotional regulation. Huge red flag IMO. For instance…

1) Seems to always externalize their own needs rather than self-soothe. It’s okay to need someone else to co-regulate…but _always_?

2) When a woman gets angry and acts in a very reactive or volatile way towards people, then complains or plays victim when hard boundaries get set or when they get similar behavior in return. When you’re treating people badly or actively disrespectful…what exactly kind of treatment are you expecting?”

“Obsession with designer labels and material things in general..”

“Low effort. When I feel like I’m always the one reaching out, I’m always the one starting conversations, I’m the one trying to keep things going, I’m the one making plans. I’ve chatted with women who insist they’re interested, but put in no effort, and when I start to ease up and give them space they rush back wondering why I’m no longer interested.

It would be nice to wake up to a good morning text, or have someone be the one to say “let’s do this”, or even if they feel the conversation is starting to hit a stale point to try and save it. Not place all of that solely on me.”

“I’m a woman so I apologize for answering a question directed at men, but here’s one thing I notice that a lot of women do (and some men do) that is an instant red flag:

Talking smack about people behind their back, constantly, and in ways they’d never say to those people’s faces. You know the adage “if they do it with you, they’ll do it to you”? Same for this. Usually when someone engages in this behavior regularly, it’s out of jealousy, immaturity, unresolved issues, or a combination thereof.”

“Not having a hobby or something like to do in their life XD.”

“Entitlement. I dated a girl that insisted her parent’s and her grandparent’s money was, in her words, “money I’m entitled to…it’s my money”. For what? Being born. I don’t want a partner who thinks this way. I’ve been dumped many times but this is someone I actually dumped myself.”

“Having a million different problems with someone but not being able to talk through a single one of them.

After a certain point, you recognize that the “solution” that they are seeking is to try to dismiss the entire person by racking up the number of perceived flaws in the eyes of the audience that they’re performing for, rather than address or solve any actual problem itself.”

“This applies to any gender – gets instantly defensive when you try to bring up something that’s having a negative impact on you.”

“Complaining about everything then moving the goalposts once a situation changes to continue complaining.”

“Having a conversation and constantly talking about male/exes etc. The girls never seem to get it.”

“Being overly worried about appearances, not just their appearance, but how things look to other people. It just screams high maintenance and I know we’d never be able to relax and just have fun without caring that we’re making idiots out of ourselves.”

“When they are being catty towards other women for no reason at all.”

“I have a friend who ignores me all the time and says it’s because her phone doesn’t have charge. I went to visit her in the weekend, and her boyfriend was messaging her and she said ‘ugh can’t be bothered with him, going to tell him tomorrow that my phone was out of charge’, which I then instantly clocked that she probably does that with me. I just wish I confronted/called her out for it.

Is it spiteful for me to do the same thing back at her?”

“That arrogant and condescending air that says “I can do whatever I want and treat people like s**t because I’m the prettiest”.

They often say that they want to meet someome kind, which I find hilarious.”

“Too vain / Totally uninformed or interested in world events.”

“Comparing to their exes.”

“Married, but makes jokes about divorce.”

“Trying to make the guy jealous.

Once I hit my early 30s, I could easily tell when a date/girlfriend was attempting to make me jealous….in my teens it would work, by 30 it just makes the woman look petty/malicious/immature.”

“Contempt.”

“There’s nothing wrong with talking about one’s past life and past relationships from time to time. I think it’s important to understand how your SO got to where they are today, how that affected them as a person, etc. That’s not really first date material, though, nor is it something that needs to be a frequent topic of conversation, especially when a couple is spending time with other friends. At a certain point it becomes clear that the person who keeps bringing it up is not at peace with their past relationships and is not ready for a new one.”

“I’m happily married, but one thing that makes me cringe and throws up red flags even from a friend standpoint is when a woman says they “don’t get along with other women” or “always got along better with the guys”.”

“Entitlement.”

“When she refers to every ex as ‘crazy’ but keeps a scrapbook of their texts.”

“I’m 81 and have been a widow since I was 62, but when I first met my husband, we talked about ideas, current events, politics, etc. as well as books and movies. We listened to music and only watched a little TV. We went out to eat and to see movies… only occasionally a concert or play. Basically we spent our time falling in love and being besotted with each other. We stayed in love with each other until the day he died from glioblastoma. That diagnosis was an extremely hard one because it is a death sentence- in 95% of the cases the person receiving the diagnosis dies within 15 months of receiving it. I still really miss him, not that there weren’t a few bumps in the road, like when living with anyone. But we were sympatico. I had a good marriage with a husband who “let me be me” as one of my friends put it. If you can’t have that type of marriage then don’t bother because you will be unhappy.”

The post 26 Subtle Red Flags Guys Say Are Instant Turn-Offs appeared first on Barnorama.

So this makes me think of the guy in Bristol who set up his piano in public and vowed to not stop playing until he won back his ex girlfriend. To start people were like “this is so romantic” but it’s actually really toxic and gross. You got dumped. They don’t want you back. Don’t make a public spectacle to try and bully/shame her into taking you back. “Displays of love” like that always creep me out.

Expecting someone to drop their opposite-s*x friendships. I know there are people that believe men and women can’t be just friends, but in my opinion we can especially when there are healthy boundaries and everyone is mature and respectful. Like yes, let me just immediately drop this person I’ve been friends with for years because you’re insecure?

Testing people instead of being honest.

Recording your partner for pranks or “relationship tests” for social media.

Treating jealousy as a love language.

I might get hate for this but demanding your partners location/and or making it mandatory to share locations. I understand for safety purposes but for me it feels rooted in ownership, insecurity and mistrust.

Public marriage proposals.

Posting publicly your lover’s quarrel. Like bruh, you’re embarrassing your partner on social media? And posting it next morning like nothing happened??

Dudes initiating choking and other violent acts during intimacy without first asking for consent.

Using someone else as a comfort while trying to figure out their situation with their ex… just happened to me. Completely messed up. Not ok.

Having to get permission from your partner before going out or running errands.

Being expected to talk 24/7 and have no life outside of each other.

Performing for each other instead of being real. People feel pressure to be endlessly witty, effortlessly cool, or emotionally detached like dating is a game of who can care less first. It’s exhausting and kind of dehumanizing.

Sending unsolicited d**k pics.

Tracking each other’s every movement.

Being obsessed with social media.

For some odd reason it’s become normal and somewhat expected to share your location 100% of the time. It’s almost never for “safety”.

Playing hard to get.

Deceiving someone into thinking you are exclusive to enjoy their focused attention.

The expectation to respond to texts immediately. Like you owe your partner your full time and attention.(This is obviously not in every relationship, but it’s definitely in some.).

Not going to bed angry – majority of problems within a healthy relationship stems from overstimulation from stress. So staying up trying to figure it out may cause more mental torment versus sleeping (while still holding each other and saying I love you) and waking up feeling refreshed enough to speak .

Expecting s*x on the first date and swiping left on anyone who’s not willing to put out immediately. Pressures people into feeling like they have to do it even if they don’t want to.

“The chase”If you’re having to chase someone, you’re not mutually attracted to each other, you’re being predatory .

Posting everything about your relationship online.

Treating dating as if everybody is auditioning for you instead of considering the fact that dates are equals who are also taking time out of their busy lives to get to know you.

Looking through each others phones.

Talking about exes excessively, being hung up on exes, and jumping from person to person instead of committing.

Having no tolerance for imperfection.

Comparisons. Stop comparing your couple, your actions, and your involvement to what you see others doing on the Internet.

Love bombing, future faking, and, push and pull behaviors.

Well it’s seen as a red flag if you don’t live on social media. I have reddit but apps like instagram and snapchat felt pointless.Takes me out of the running for a fair amount of people.

Making hypocritical demands.

Putting up with your partner calling you insults during disagreements or arguments (stupid, idiot, b***h, etc), or calling your partner hyper casual and dismissive names during fights (i.e. bro).

Not being “allowed” to have opposite s*x friends. In a healthy, normal adult life, you can have friends of all identities and it shouldn’t be a problem. Getting mad at your partner for having friends is just weird.

Sending nudes or risque’ pictures to strangers. Would you walk up to a stranger on the street and strip down? No? Then why do it to a total stranger online?

Maybe not “normal” but bringing or suggesting to bring another person into the relationship. Even worse if you have kids. I’ve known 2 couples who have done this. Both couples are divorced now.

Following the toxic advice of ‘in order to get over someone you need to get under someone else’.

The pressure to get married. I can think of many great reasons a couple may wait 10 years to get married, but very few good reasons to have a 2 year dating to married turnaround. .

Sharing social media passwords. Ew no. Your account is *YOURS* for a reason.

Being completely disingenuous from the get go.

The post 38 Common Red Flags You Shouldn’t Ignore In Modern Relationships appeared first on Barnorama.

“”I need someone who can handle me” is such a huge red flag bc it usually means they’re immature and refuse to take accountability for their behavior.”

“Bee sting lips.”

“Being mean to strangers”

“Being anything except a decent person…this goes for anyone, not just women.”

“Women that dont like animals.”

“Using makeup as if you were trained as a bricklayer with a trowel.”

“Pretending you are dumb.”

“Acting like a baby and baby voice. Absolutely d**k shriveling. Your incompetence isn’t cute or s**y, it makes me think you’d be a terrible partner and unreliable.”

“Comically long nails.”

“All those little “Lets see how you react if you’re confident” tests. I’m in my 30s.. I’m tired. I just walk away.”

“”If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”Ok, but have I seen your best yet? What am I working for, is it just… this? Does it get worse?”

“Infantilizing themselves. I don’t want to feel like I’m dating a child.”

“Refusing to take accountability.”

“Taking selfies all the time.”

“Rude to servers.”

“Constant complaining and being unappreciative.”

“Big false eyelashes.”

“Trashing someone else. Your roommate might suck. But if that’s all you talk about, I’m not interested.”

“Comparing us to an ex in any way. Instant b***r k****r.”

“Sharing things said in private to their friends. Just because we were comfortable enough to tell you something personal to us doesn’t mean you have permission to spread it far and wide.”

“So much Botox you can’t form any facial expressions, from your chin to your forehead.”

“Talking in that weird f*****g baby voice.”

“Clapping syllables when angry.”

“Bold of you to assume the men of Reddit have interacted with women!”

“Expecting me to be able to tell you what you want to eat. Even worse when it’s every day, or multiple times a day.”

“Being **LOUD**Indoor voices, ffs.”

“Not being independent.”

“Taking pictures of every single thing whilst on vacation and always being on their phone like they are an influencer (Taking away from the actual experience of things and not enjoying the moment).”

“Fake nails, fake lips, too much makeup etc.”

“The constant unending critiques of everything about you, how you dress, and what you could be doing better. If you don’t like me for me just say that please.”

“The f****d out fake tan that only does the face and stops at the neck.”

“Going on your phone the entire time when we are meant to be watching a movie or TV show together. I don’t want to rewind it or try to chat to you about it after to find out you didn’t pay any attentionBonus points if you’re watching TikTok’s out loud.”

“S******g on people behind their back is so gross and I used to see women do it all the time in college and then pretend to be their friend face to face. Snake behavior, immediatly makes me lose all trust in you because no matter how nice you are, il have no idea if ur s******g on me when im gone.”

“Being racist. If you can’t even keep your racism hidden on a date, you must be a huge racist. Also you really won’t like my family.”

“Saying things are fine or ok when they clearly are not and then acting passive aggressive.”

“Playing mind games.Many women think that playing mind games will prove to them whether the man is really interested or not. In reality that’s the fastest way to k**l the interest of a good man.”

“Bad hygiene.”

“Being a messy s**t starter/staring up drama and lies to entertain themselves. It’s gross. I know that’s not all women, but I’ve met a few wolves in sheep’s clothing.”

“Thinking rules don’t apply to them.”

“I think most men are not a fan of being called daddy. I could be wrong, and I’m sure there are people who enjoy it, but it just makes me sad more than anything.”

“Lip filler.”

“Constantly on social media. Wakes up, check social media. That need for validation.”

“Playing “hard to get” .. maybe that’s a personal one. But I don’t care for the “chase” if you’re into me show it, I’d rather not play a guessing game chasing something that’s not realistic.”

“When she says ‘I love a man who communicates’ but then gets weird when he opens up about his Pokémon card collection, emotional trauma, and the fact that he air-drums in the shower. Like hey, you said *communicate* – not curate a TED Talk.”

“Long fake nails. Not attractive and look almost crippling. Your own nails, well-kept and clean, are way more attractive.”

“Having a “Mean Girls” attitude. Ma’am. Ew”

“”funny stories” that are just the chronicles of being a bully.”

The post Men Reveal The Red Flags They Can’t Ignore In Relationships appeared first on Barnorama.