Barnorama All Fun In The Barn
Recognize these often-overlooked red flags to navigate modern dating with clearer eyes.
So this makes me think of the guy in Bristol who set up his piano in public and vowed to not stop playing until he won back his ex girlfriend. To start people were like “this is so romantic” but it’s actually really toxic and gross. You got dumped. They don’t want you back. Don’t make a public spectacle to try and bully/shame her into taking you back. “Displays of love” like that always creep me out.
Expecting someone to drop their opposite-s*x friendships. I know there are people that believe men and women can’t be just friends, but in my opinion we can especially when there are healthy boundaries and everyone is mature and respectful. Like yes, let me just immediately drop this person I’ve been friends with for years because you’re insecure?
Testing people instead of being honest.
Recording your partner for pranks or “relationship tests” for social media.
Treating jealousy as a love language.
I might get hate for this but demanding your partners location/and or making it mandatory to share locations. I understand for safety purposes but for me it feels rooted in ownership, insecurity and mistrust.
Public marriage proposals.
Posting publicly your lover’s quarrel. Like bruh, you’re embarrassing your partner on social media? And posting it next morning like nothing happened??
Dudes initiating choking and other violent acts during intimacy without first asking for consent.
Using someone else as a comfort while trying to figure out their situation with their ex… just happened to me. Completely messed up. Not ok.
Having to get permission from your partner before going out or running errands.
Being expected to talk 24/7 and have no life outside of each other.
Performing for each other instead of being real. People feel pressure to be endlessly witty, effortlessly cool, or emotionally detached like dating is a game of who can care less first. It’s exhausting and kind of dehumanizing.
Sending unsolicited d**k pics.
Tracking each other’s every movement.
Being obsessed with social media.
For some odd reason it’s become normal and somewhat expected to share your location 100% of the time. It’s almost never for “safety”.
Playing hard to get.
Deceiving someone into thinking you are exclusive to enjoy their focused attention.
The expectation to respond to texts immediately. Like you owe your partner your full time and attention.(This is obviously not in every relationship, but it’s definitely in some.).
Not going to bed angry – majority of problems within a healthy relationship stems from overstimulation from stress. So staying up trying to figure it out may cause more mental torment versus sleeping (while still holding each other and saying I love you) and waking up feeling refreshed enough to speak .
Expecting s*x on the first date and swiping left on anyone who’s not willing to put out immediately. Pressures people into feeling like they have to do it even if they don’t want to.
“The chase”If you’re having to chase someone, you’re not mutually attracted to each other, you’re being predatory .
Posting everything about your relationship online.
Treating dating as if everybody is auditioning for you instead of considering the fact that dates are equals who are also taking time out of their busy lives to get to know you.
Looking through each others phones.
Talking about exes excessively, being hung up on exes, and jumping from person to person instead of committing.
Having no tolerance for imperfection.
Comparisons. Stop comparing your couple, your actions, and your involvement to what you see others doing on the Internet.
Love bombing, future faking, and, push and pull behaviors.
Well it’s seen as a red flag if you don’t live on social media. I have reddit but apps like instagram and snapchat felt pointless.Takes me out of the running for a fair amount of people.
Making hypocritical demands.
Putting up with your partner calling you insults during disagreements or arguments (stupid, idiot, b***h, etc), or calling your partner hyper casual and dismissive names during fights (i.e. bro).
Not being “allowed” to have opposite s*x friends. In a healthy, normal adult life, you can have friends of all identities and it shouldn’t be a problem. Getting mad at your partner for having friends is just weird.
Sending nudes or risque’ pictures to strangers. Would you walk up to a stranger on the street and strip down? No? Then why do it to a total stranger online?
Maybe not “normal” but bringing or suggesting to bring another person into the relationship. Even worse if you have kids. I’ve known 2 couples who have done this. Both couples are divorced now.
Following the toxic advice of ‘in order to get over someone you need to get under someone else’.
The pressure to get married. I can think of many great reasons a couple may wait 10 years to get married, but very few good reasons to have a 2 year dating to married turnaround. .
Sharing social media passwords. Ew no. Your account is *YOURS* for a reason.
Being completely disingenuous from the get go.