Sunday , 22 October 2017

Reasons Mayonnaise Is The Devil’s Condiment

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Slime of Satan, I command thee: BEGONE.

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Mayonnaise is made out of oil and uncooked* egg yolks. It’s essentially raw, greasy eggs.

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Mayo is the sandwich-killer.

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 It has ruined countless tuna salads throughout history.

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Mayo destroyed an entire generation of American dinners.


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When people put mayo on fries it’s like they think I won’t notice that it’s just nasty, bleached-out fake ketchup.

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 It constantly has to reassure you that it’s “REAL.”

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You shouldn’t want to eat anything that comes in this container.

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What a dumb name. Who even knows what “mayonnaise” means?

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Mayo is an attention-seeking brat, constantly popping up in places where it Should Not Be.

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Like, really should not be.

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 GET OFF MY PIZZA.

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Squeeze bottles of mayo are the grossest thing on earth.

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Look at that squeezed-out mayo. It looks like WORMS.

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Mayo fuels the most obnoxious kind of gentrification.

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And it always tries to monopolize Ryan Gosling.

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It’s basically just an instrument of torture.

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For example, this is the worst thing you can do to another human being.

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Well, no, maybe this is.

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 It makes people behave like animals.

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 It encourages theft.

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And for what? It doesn’t even have any meat in it.

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There are tons of other things you can put on a sandwich that are healthier and taste better.

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So, in conclusion:

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