“There is a considerable overlap between the intelligence of the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists.” -Yosemite Park Ranger on why it’s hard to design a bear-proof garbage can.
“I worked at a bank. Mobile depositing had just became a “thing”. We received a picture of someones cash for deposit. Yea..”
“A woman I used to work with who insisted that any animal could reproduce with any other animal. She believed that sperm from any animal was the same and that DNA was irrelevant.
She believed this because she once saw some sickly, possibly deformed puppies and decided that they must have been half dog and half rat.”
“The fact Florida had to tell people NOT to shoot at the hurricane.”
“One of my nieces had a cold as a toddler and was breathing through her mouth. My ex BIL flipped out because he didn’t want her to get carbon monoxide poisoning from breathing through her mouth instead of her nose (the “normal” way)”
“I teach 6th grade. One time a parent came to me after trying to help their child with math homework and asked, “What number is x worth? It feels like it changes with every problem!””
“I worked at Little Caesars and we were proofing the dough for pizza. My boss said (at 7pm) that the dough needed to rise for 12 hours, and took out her calculator to do the math. So I said ummm that’s gonna be 7am. Then she said the dough will expire in 48 hours and started doing the math again. I told her it would expire two days from now, and she said “that’s kinda weird how that works out huh?”I quit shortly after that.”
“I work in highway safety. I can no longer count on two hands the number of people I’ve stopped with in the middle lane of traffic on a freeway, with no bigger problem than a flat tire. When I question them as to why they stopped in the middle of a freeway, the typical answer is either the vehicle wouldn’t go any further, or they don’t want to damage their rim.I swear to whatever you want me to swear to, people will put the well being of the rim on their car above their own safety and even the safety of their children.”
“At the start of working from home due to Covid, I had a few users submit tickets for “connectivity issues”. These tickets got through 2 lines of support before landing in my queue.
Turns out that the corporate WiFi doesn’t follow you home and you need home internet in order to connect to the VPN.”
“In grade ten, we had a science test, and the teacher gave one point for putting a date on the paper, and one point for your name on the paper….and then there were 98 points for the rest of the test. A guy sitting in front of me got 0.5/100….didnt write the date and only wrote his first name”
“In the 80’s, A&W attempted to compete with McDonald’s “quarter-pounder” burger by selling a “third-pounder” for the same price. The operation failed tremendously, with virtually no one buying the burger. When they surveyed customers for an explanation, the majority of customers responded that they “didn’t want to pay the same price for less meat.”
Their customers genuinely believed that one third was less than one fourth and refused to try the new A&W burger because of it.”
“Knew a kid who drank bleach to prove it wouldn’t kill you.
A week later he showed up at school after taking a shot.
He said he “proved his point” when the teacher asked why he was bragging about it.
Mr Hawk just said “But you cannot argue that without that medical treatment you’d have died though- you even said you have stomach damage and a burn esophagus yourself”.
This kid was bragging about that. He was not mentally disabled or otherwise. He was just that kind of idiot.”
“When I was in high school, we were reading a short story about what would have happened if the Japanese attacked us back with nuclear weapons after Hiroshima and Nagasaki. A girl in my class raised her hand and said something along the lines of “why does this matter? None of it is real any way”. The teacher had to ask her to clarify, but this girl thought WWII and the bombing of Japan were just from a movie and didn’t actually happen.The best part is: the girl was half Japanese”
“Myself, looking for my phone when it was in my hand all the time, then answering a call, and continuing looking for it during the call.”
““You know the reason you bury a rattlesnake after you kill it is because bees will eat it, then bees can sting people with rattlesnake venom”- guy I heard constantly trying to pick up women on public transit.”
“Customers arguing that their tattoo is backwards while their artist tries to explain that no, your tattoo is fine, it just looks backwards because that’s how mirrors work”
“The woman that called into a radio station to complain about the deer crossing signs on a highway saying that the deer will see the sign and consider this place a safe place to cross the road.”