I’m gay as a three dollar bill.
Smile everyone! Life could be worse. You could have a crotch like Carole does.
-Joe Exotic, Facebook
I went to work every day prepared to die in a tiger cage. Dying doesn’t scare me. At all.
You know when I woke up this morning I was in a FREE F@#KING COUNTRY. And I’m still there.
It didn’t matter how stupid he had to get… or if I was sittin’ there concentrating as hard as I could… on the computer to write a letter to a senator or congressman or something else, he’d come and rub them balls in my face.
-Joe Exotic at HIS HUSBAND’S FUNERAL
First thing is, I am not cutting my hair. I’m not changing the way I dress. I refuse to wear a suit. I am gay. I’ve had two boyfriends most of my life. I’ve had some kinky sex. I have tried drugs through the younger years of my life. I am broke as s@#t.
You can see how they go from being so sweet to tearing your face off, just like that, and it’s amazing to have that range.
The big cat people are backstabbing pieces of s@#t.
(First ten seconds of the series)
We say no to drugs, because drugs make your teeth fall out and you get really ugly and don’t have any friends.
You may now kiss the grooms.
-Preacher at Joe’s wedding to Travis
GUESS WHAT MOTHER F@#KER
Jeff conned everyone because he’s jealous. He’s a little man with a little d@#k… and a limp and he’s bald and he’s got to pay everyone to have sex with him.
I can almost promise you some of you will be urinated on.
Hey all you cool cats and kittens!
This is my little town. I’m the mayor, the prosecutor, the cop, and executioner.
I had to throw a potato from the living room to the dining room just to run out the door.
He was like a mythical character living out in the middle of bumf@#k Oklahoma who owned 1200 tigers and lions and bears and s@#t.
There is a god. Her name is Karma and she has a sick sense of humor.
Political condoms. Vote for me or you’ll need these because you’re screwed.
Some people say that I’m the prototype for Scarface.
He’s a completely insane, gay, gun-toting, drug-addict fanatic.
They want the lion’s share but they don’t want to share the lions.
Joe’s ego was so big… too big for his little body.
I don’t think we’re done blowing s@#t up today.