“A 15yo was waking up and talking more…and trying to get out of bed before he was ready
“Bud, where are you going?” “I’ve got to go to my locker” “Buddy, you’re in the hospital. You can’t go to your locker right now. So where are you trying to go?” serious expression “…the fUtUrE””
“A man asked me if his body parts still belong to him and I still think about it lmao”
“Female patient after C-section asking me how many chickens she had, because she had beef with pig. Her husband translated later: how much the baby weighed, because I have a bet with hubby”
“My wife is a dentist, one of her patients started moaning loudly. Not the typical moans and groans, I mean like the really good sex moaning. It was loud enough that half the clinic heard, including the waiting area.”
“I work in the OR. Funniest was a guy quickly sat straight up after extubation. we’re all standing around him making sure he doesn’t try to jump off the table. He looks at me and then slowly gives me double finger guns. Turns is head to another staff member and slowly gives them finger guns. Didn’t say a word, just finger guns.
A lot of people wake up really crazy; they start swinging or just get really restless on a narrow OR bed. It’s nice when people wake up sleepy and I’ll just bundle em up with blankies and roll out.”
“We had to slide board a patient from the stretcher to his bed after an endoscopy. (You put a board between bed and stretcher and. Then grab patient and slide them over to bed with sheet underneath them).
My patient screamed “WEEEE!” And then proceeded to tell us that these are the best drugs ever and that it felt like the 60’s again.”
“When I got my wisdom teeth out, the nurse was trying to wake me up and said, “okay, it’s time to open your eyes. Can you open your eyes for me?” I said, “Say pleee-eease!” She said please very nicely, and I opened my mouth as wide as I could”
“Woke up thinking I’d had sex with my doctor. And apologised to him for how bad it was…”
“A friend of mine woke up after surgery and stated “I want to eat a Christmas tree”.”
“When I was in high school I was just getting put under and feeling loopy for a wisdom teeth operation and the nurse was making small talk with me and told me she graduated from the same high school I went to and was on the dance team and I told her “No you weren’t, you have to be pretty to be on the dance team” right before blacking out.
I think about this sometimes before I go to sleep at night nurse I am so sorry to do you like that when you were just doing your job.”
“Guy wakes up in the recovery room after left knee replacement surgery and starts talking with his wife, “Well, at least I still have two good knees.” “Oh honey,” she replied, “you just had knee surg..” He interrupts in a loud voice, “MY RIGHT KNEE AND MY WEENIE!””
“I had a male patient who as he woke up mumbled “I’m not pregnant?!””
“Not a nurse but I had dental surgery at a hospital in Bangkok a few years ago. I had pretty much come out of anesthesia and was just waiting for the doctor and discharge stuff. There was this giant Aussie guy also in recovery and he kept trying to sneak away! Like he’d look around, grab his IV pole, and tip toe toward the exit.
The nurses were just kind of herding him around the room back to his bed. Then he’d do the same thing again! The nurse with me asked if I wanted the curtains closed and I was like hell no! I just had major oral surgery and this is funny!
So she and I sat there for nearly twenty minutes watching his shenanigans. Nurses have patience like saints, I swear.”
“Did a short stint in recovery as part of my graduate program. I got proposed to a couple of times. Same guy would walk past me in the corridor a day later and not recognise me!”
“I came out of it in the middle of a conversation with Gandalf. I was trying to sell him Tupperware.”
“Not a nurse, but my twin sister started speaking fluent Spanish to my mom after she woke up from getting her wisdom teeth removed. We’re half Puerto Rican (on our mom’s side), so we’ve grown up hearing Spanish, but neither of us had ever carried a fluent conversation with her in it. But apparently my doped up sister could!”
“It wasn’t something he said, but I had a patient in his 50’s attempt to motorboat his wife when she came to pick him up. She was mortified, and I managed to keep a straight face while giving her all his post-op instructions.”