The Greatest Christmas Movie Quotes


“It’s a Wonderful Life” (1946)

Clarence: [In book inscription] “Remember, George: no man is a failure who has friends.”



“It’s a Wonderful Life”

Clarence: “Strange, isn’t it? Each man’s life touches so many other lives. When he isn’taround he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?”



“It’s a Wonderful Life”

Zuzu Bailey: “Look, Daddy. Teacher says, every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings.”



“National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” (1989)

Clark W. Griswold Jr.: (As company execs walk by) “Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.”



“National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”

Cousin Eddie: (to neighbor) “Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!”



“National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”

Clark W. Griswold Jr.: “Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?”



“National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”

Clark W. Griswold Jr.: “Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.”



“Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer” (1964)

Yukon Cornelius: “This fog’s as thick as peanut butter!”

Hermey: “You mean pea soup.”

Yukon Cornelius: “You eat what you like, and I’ll eat what I like!”



“A Christmas Story” (1983)

Ralphie: “No! No! I want an official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!”

Santa Claus: “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.”



“A Christmas Story”

Mr. Parker: “Aaah! “Fra-GEE-leh!” It must be Italian!”

Mrs. Parker: “Uh, I think that says FRAGILE, honey.”



“How The Grinch Stole Christmas” (1966)

Narrator (Boris Karloff): “He puzzled and puzzled till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. Maybe Christmas, he thought… doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps… means a little bit more!”



“Die Hard” (1988)

John McClane: [huddled in an air vent, recalls his wife’s invitation] “Come out to the coast, we’ll get together, have a few laughs…”



“Die Hard”

Hans Gruber: “Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho.”



“Die Hard”

John McClane: “Yippie-Ki-Yay, Motherfucker!”



“Gremlins” (1984)

Chinese Boy: “First of all, keep him out of the light, he hates bright light, especially sunlight, it’ll kill him. Second, don’t give him any water, not even to drink. But the most important rule, the rule you can never forget, no matter how much he cries, no matter how much he begs, never feed him after midnight.”



“Elf” (2003)

Buddy: ”You sit on a throne of lies!”




Buddy: ”I just like to smile; smiling’s my favorite.”


“The Nightmare Before Christmas” (1993)

Mayor: “Jack, please, I’m only an elected official here. I can’t make decisions by myself!”


“Bad Santa” (2003)

Willie: “Next, goddammit. This is not the DMV, alright? Move it along.”



“Bad Santa”

The Kid: “I want a stuffed elephant. A pink one.”
Willie: “Well, wish in one hand and sh*t in the other and see which one fills up first.”



“A Charlie Brown Christmas” (1965)

Charlie Brown: “Thanks for the Christmas card you sent me, Violet.”
Violet: “I didn’t send you a Christmas card, Charlie Brown.”
Charlie Brown: “Don’t you know sarcasm when you hear it?”



“Trading Places” (1993)

Mortimer Duke: “How could you do this to us after everything we’ve done for you?”
Billy Ray Valentine: “Oh, see, I made Louis a bet here. See, Louis bet me that we couldn’t both get rich and put y’all in the poor house at the same time. He didn’t think we could do it. I won.”
Louis Winthorpe III: [grinning] “I lost… One dollar.”
Billy Ray Valentine: “Thank you, Louis.”



“Trading Places”

Louis: “Looking good, Billy Ray!”
Billy Ray: “Feeling good, Louis!”



“The Polar Express” (2004)

The Conductor: “Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can’t see.”



“Home Alone” (1990)

Harry: “Marv?”
Marv: “Harry?”
Harry: “Why the hell did you take your shoes off?”
Marv: “Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?”



“Home Alone”

Gangster ‘Johnny’: “Hey, I’m gonna give you to the count of ten, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead! 1, 2, 10!”



“Home Alone”

Kevin McCallister: “You guys give up, or are you thirsty for more?”



“The Santa Clause” (1994)

Sarah The Little Girl: “Santa, how come your clothes are so baggy?”
Scott Calvin: “Because Santa is…watching his saturated fats!”
Sarah The Little Girl: “How come you don’t have a beard?”
Scott Calvin: “Because I shaved.” (Pulls out a toy) “Now, do you want this doll or not?!? Go back to sleep!”



“Scrooged” (1988)

Lew Hayward: “I was a captain of industry, feared by men, adored by women.”
Frank Cross: “ADORED? C’mon, let’s be honest, Lew. You PAID for the women.”




Frank Cross: “The bitch hit me with a toaster.”




Frank Cross: “It’s Christmas Eve. It’s-it’s the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we-we-we smile a little easier, we-w-w-we-we-we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year we are the people that we always hoped we would be.”



“Miracle on 34th Street” (1947)

Kris Kringle: ’’Oh, Christmas isn’t just a day, it’s a frame of mind and that’s what’s been changing. That’s why I’m glad I’m here, maybe I can do something about it.”


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