“Father in law was looking at photos on my phone with me. I got a text from my wife that said, “I’ve been a naughty b*tch, you need to come home and slap my a$$.”
I turned to him and said, “What kinda daughter did you raise?”
I learned that day: A) turn off preview 3) do not joke about a man’s daughter”
“Not exactly “accidental” but when I was 15 my mom was snooping through my phone and found a text that said,
“I wish I could have a girl with boobs so big I could suffocate in them”
That was a cool fun time for me.”
“An older man caught me looking at boobs on my phone during a bus ride home. I quickly scrolled up, realizing that I was in public. He leaned over and said “Hey, we can share.” Got off three stops before my own.”
“Me and my friends played this “game” in high school where we’d send each other the most vile, disgusting images we could find. We’d stop once everyone agreed that the last thing sent couldn’t be topped.
One time, my uncle called me in the middle of this “game.” We chat, and he asks to speak to my mom. I give my mom the phone, completely forgetting about what’s happening.
I run downstairs after I remember that Pandora’s box of animated atrocities is opening up in my mother’s ear right now. As I turn the corner, we lock eyes. Shock and disgust.
She turns the phone to me, and on the screen, clear as day, is an image of Wario in a BDSM leather suit farting on a nude Princess Peach.
I took the phone and never said a word. Never heard a word about it either.”
“I was playing a bunch of World of Warcraft. This was back when people were making funny machinima youtube videos constantly, and I had them downloaded to my computer so I could show my friends.
I set up a very early version of Plex (video streaming software) on my computer and I hook up my TV for a small party.
Little did I know, Plex scans your media library and then runs out to the internet to find a cover image that Plex thinks matches your movies so that you have a thumbnail to click when you want to watch that video.
For some of my WoW youtube videos, it found pictures of Orcs and Elves f*cking and threw that up on the screen.
The girl I liked at the party: “What the f*ck is that?”
Me, borderline speechless: “… I have no f*cking idea.”
“Had the minister of my church at my house. He wanted to upload music from his laptop onto my Zune (tells you when this was). He turns it on and the Zune immediately displays a topless picture of my fianceé, a girl he’s known since birth having been best friends with her parents. He just clears his throat and says, “I didn’t see that.”
“Had a girl over a few months back, we’d been hanging out for a week or so at this point. We were watching a movie on my iPad, and my iMessage is linked with my phone and my iPad, so every text I get shows up on both of them.
My roommate, who was out of town at the time, decided it would be a great time to text me and ask how things are going, only he didn’t use those words.
No, as things are going good, he decides to text me, “hey, did you f*ck that chick yet??”
“Was talking to some cute girl, it was going well, and gave her my phone to add me on Facebook. Her profile was the first profile on the recent Facebook searches…”
“In my younger years working in desktop support, we had a guy complaining that his computer was running slow – it was literally full of horse porn.
This was back in the 90mhz Pentium days and long before people had anything better than a 56k modem in their house.
I had to show my boss and point out that obviously, this guy was using company bandwidth to download non-work-related material onto his company laptop.”
“My Internet was down. Had to have the Bell Aliant guy come to fix it.
When it was fixed he asked me to just check it was working properly, so I refreshed a tab and it instantly opened the porn I was watching before the internet died.
He then said, “Is there anything else you need?” And I became worried I was living in the plot to the world’s most cliché porn.”
“I was sexting my gf (now wife) a few years ago while she was out of state for her job. Things got heated and I decided I was going to manscape for her return. The next day, I took a picture of my shaved d@#k and balls with the caption,
“the deed is done, this will be waiting for you when you come home 😉 ”
A few minutes go by and she calls me. I answer all sexy, ”Did you like what you seen?” She bursts out laughing and says, “So you don’t know what you just did?”
I immediately start to panic. Sweaty palms almost instantly. I had no idea so my mind starts to race.
She says in a laugh-cry manor., ”You sent that message to the wrong chat.”
I hung up the phone and looked. There it was. The picture was sent to the group chat of me, my girlfriend, and MY MOTHER! I almost puked.”
“I was kind of on the flip side of this when my uncle was going through pictures of my baby cousin on his phone and swiped too far to show me a picture of my auntie standing completely naked in a doorway. The image is still burned into my mind…”
“I have a similar experience with my grandpa. He was showing me an old picture book when he flipped to a picture of my topless grandma at the beach. It was awkward.”
“During college, my girlfriend worked night shifts so I would sometimes crash at her place.
One night her roommates had a few people over to drink and I, being alone, decided to crank one out. Spent about 3-5 mins watching some.. material wondering why the audio wouldn’t work on my phone.
Then I hear an eruption of laughter from the kitchen.
Turns out I was the last one that connected to the Bluetooth speaker they were using and was blasting my porn audio to an apartment full of people.”
“My partner’s mom did that to him once. He left his phone open and he got a photo text notification from his mom.
He was washing up and I thought it was from our dinner from the previous night because she loves taking family pictures. Nope, it was her a$$ in panties and I was like,
“HONEY YOUR MOM SENT HER BOOTY TO YOU”
He died. It took him a while to recover from seeing it. It took me a while to be able to look at her straight.”
“One time my partner started browsing through my photos and came across 50+ photos of different kinds of crocs because I couldn’t decide which ones I wanted.”
“My gf and I had just gotten back from my sister’s out of town wedding. Her super conservative mom asked to see some photos so I opened one on my phone and handed it to her.
What I had completely forgot was that my gf had dressed up as a sexy nurse that weekend and I had taken a bunch of photos of her in costume, straddling me.
These pictures were RIGHT before the wedding pictures.”