What’s The Easiest Way To Get Fired?

“”You don’t tell me what to do, you’re a woman.” To his trainer. Lasted until management came in that morning and heard about it. “

“He didn’t show up the first day, second day, or third day.

I had to work a double shift for three days straight. Not fun. I answered the phone when he finally ‘called in’ on the fourth day.

He said, “I’m going to be honest with you, I’ve been in Orlando. My parents paid for a small vacation as a reward for getting the job. Would it be okay to start next week instead of this week?””

“During their onboarding training, they stole my bosses wallet on camera…. 1 hour in..”

“Four or so hours. When I was 18 I got a job at a grocery store, along with three others. We all started training together. On the first day we were training in the evening, and one girl asked to go home, she said her head hurt. They said fine, she clocked out, went to grab a grocery cart and started filling it with beer and liquor. The store manager walked over, and asked her if she was having a party. She said yes. Didn’t even try to come up with an excuse. Just, “yeah, I am, so I needed to leave early on my first day.” basically. He fired her.”

“A 19 year old kid got hired to work the seafood counter. See him twice and then never again. Asked a coworker what happened.

He had closed seafood one night and was walking out of the store and the 5 pounds of crab legs he’d stuffed down the back of his pants fell out in front of the closing manager.”

“As a teenager, I worked at a bowling alley. Within an hour, a new girl was fired on the spot for dropping a ball on the foot of a complaining patron.”

“About 35 minutes


I hired a guy to work for me as quality inspector for merchandise headed to Walmart & Target. He bragged about everything he stole from his last job during training and how they paid him more than I did. Well, I’m not holding him back from all that money so I had some big guys escort him off the property”

“One and a half hours into shift as an animal care worker, I was showing my trainee how to clean the kitten rooms and started him on the easiest cage. We’re talking neonatal, six day old bottle feeder kittens. I explained how to set up the kennel, clean them up, etc. I turned around to grab some towels and a fresh hot water bottle when I heard a thump. And then another thump. Turned around and he was tossing the kittens to the other side of the kennel to move them. Like, underhand lobbing a softball, just tossed three kittens out of his way. I freaked out and yanked his @$$ down to the supervisor’s office. His excuse was the kittens were ‘attacking’ him, and he felt threatened? So he threw them!!

No warnings, fired on the spot. (The kittens all were fine and got adopted out a few months later. 🙂 )”

“A man was hired to do stock at a tea store that sold lots of delicate China. Manager walked into the back on his like third day and saw him just throwing boxes of tea cups and teapots. Instantly fired.”

“At first he looked normal. Then sometime around lunch time he suddenly screamed on top of his lungs (if the office). When people run to him to see what’s going on he told them -“I was trying to see how loud i can scream”. He was gone before his screams echos stopped.”


“Guy slept through two meetings on his first day. The second meeting he started snoring.”

“5 days. My boss hired an “Executive Chef”.. dude didn’t even know how to make a quesadilla…”

“Didn’t like the boss and on the first day took a piss in the gas tank of his jeep.

Bragged about it and It was recorded too.”

“I work construction. We had 2 new hires that were friends starting the same day. Boss told one take a coffee order and come back. Took everyone’s money and said he needed his friend to go with him cause it was a big order. They never came back.”

“Worked in a grocery store for awhile: new guy took a lobster out of the tank and removed the elastic bands on its claws, then proceeded to put it back in the tank. The thing murdered all the other lobsters in the tank.”

“Had a co-worker get fired halfway through his first day. Was a well-qualified rep, plenty of industry experience and seemed cordial enough.. He got fired on his lunch break when management and HR took him to lunch and he made racist jokes about several ethnicities. He was going to be the rep for our El Paso market, which is incredibly diverse, so he was told not to even bother coming back from his lunch break.”

“CoWorker. Smoked like every 40min for like 10min.

Then asked the Boss if he could leave an hour early because he didnt take his Lunch Break.

As my Boss said: “Sure you can, but you dont need to come back.””

“Corporate chain restaurant

New server, aged mid 30s.

Third day he was working we had to fire him mid shift. why? dude went in to the public rest rooms, with other guests clearly in there using the urinal, and started doing lines of blow off on the edge of the sink.”

“This was a while ago at my old job. New guy gets hired as a bus boy. He was super annoying and tried to insert himself into everyone’s conversation whether they wanted him there or not. It only took a couple of hours for the whole restaurant to hate him. I was working the bar and he kept eating the bar fruit. I personally didn’t care but the manager did. Manager comes over and tells him to stop eating the fruit. He looks the manager in the eye and eats another piece of fruit. Manager says “Really?” followed by “Come with me to the office”. New guy promptly replies with “Alright man, calm down. I can tell you got that big d@#k energy for a good reason” followed with cliche wink and nudge from his elbow. In front of me and like 4 other employees. I wanted to slam my face into the ice bin, it was so cringey to witness.

He promptly walked out the front door 10 minutes later without his uniform on anymore. The worst thing about it was the manager was an insanely laid back guy. Hell, the whole restaurant was insanely laid back. You really had to try hard to get fired from this place. Had he not thrown in that big d@#k line, I’m almost positive he would have just gotten a slap on the wrist and kept the job.”

“Heard this from a manager I worked with when I worked in fast food. There was this one kid who didn’t show up for work. He ditched work often, so the manager called around, couldn’t get anyone to fill in his shift, so she had to fill it for him.

A few hours into his shift, the dude ditching SHOWS UP, with his friends, and orders food from that manager. She fired him on the spot.”

“Guy got hired, went through training and all that jazz. First day on the floor, he disappeared for 3 hours and then came back high as f@#k on like meth or something. A manager found him in the bathroom aisle, staring at himself in the mirror. Said manager looked at the cameras after firing him, the guy was there staring at himself for at least 30+ minutes.

“Day one, he hit a parked car in the parking lot, with the person still inside. When he was confronted he lost his mind and even used threats. The man he hit walked up to security and said “don’t let that man into my building. People like that don’t work for me”

He hit the directors Porsche..”

“I work IT for the Federal courts. We’ve had a few fired before their start dates for lying about having felonies. However, the best one was the one fired after 5 minutes – the person who showed up was not the person who was interviewed via Skype.”

“Guy got hired, while going through orientation realized that his ex gf worked there too, turned around and walked right out the front door.”

“Bookkeeper: The guy was hired as a “Senior Auditor” for the international subsidiaries of our group. Refferred to Credit and Debit as “Left and Right”.

Maybe bringing a machete into the office on day two (to slice a watermelon) wasn’t advantageous either…”

“I worked with that only showed up for half a day and tried walking out the back without getting noticed. I’ll admit it’s a mind numbing office job where all you need to do is fill out forms for 8+ hours a day, but it’s not that bad.”

“New guy started at work (a bar). Seemed pretty cool. Three days later we were all sitting around having an end of shift drink when the manager calls the new guy into the office and fires him. New guy isn’t 21 yet. Why would you drink at work when the manager damn well knows your age!?”

“I worked at a hotel. A good housekeeper got her cousin hired so they had a party. Cousin was found asleep in a bed on her first day, fired instantly”

“3 hours into the first shift. Guy lost it serving an annoying customer in a grocery shop, throw a cabbage at her. The manager came and told him to go home cause he finished there. He wasn’t surprised. I was standing next to him, it was an entertaining day.”

“Coworker quit his job, great job, great pay, great benefits to work in a radio repair place. I mean, gotta do what you love and he was also a big radio enthusiast. Got fired the first day on the job for stealing parts for his own radios at home. Took him over a year to get back with us. Surprised they rehired him. He then got fired for being a security risk about a year or so later.”

“First day of work, he walks in, says “what the f@#k is up dumb@$$” to the guy that parked next to (didn’t touch) his new Camaro he bought since he got hired. The guy was the CEO of the company I used to work for, on visit to our branch. Literally ten minutes into his shift he was signing release papers.”

“Spent my summers in college working as a laborer for a construction company. Anyway, we were doing a bunch of renovation in an active hospital, so noise and dust were a huge concern. We were a small crew and just starting renovations on an area with a super tight schedule, so the company hired a subcontractor for some of the work.

Enter these two clowns who show up to do some demolition work. Foreman gives them the talk about how they may be used to doing things a certain way, but this is an active hospital so he’d rather the work take longer than for them to make a huge mess or a lot of noise. An hour later, we apparently got multiple complaints about the noise and the mess, so the foreman calls me up and says to go over there and clean up NOW, and that he’d be by shortly to see what the hell was going on.

These dudes had dust and broken wall everywhere. I could hear them half way down the hall, just smashing away without a care in the world. The foreman shows up and we walk into the room to witness this dude standing on a pile of rubble swinging a sledgehammer over his head at a brick wall that he’s removed the bottom from. Somehow the rest of this wall is still hanging from the ceiling, I have no idea how. Guy wasn’t even wearing a hard hat, apparently oblivious that at any moment that wall might give way and crush him.The foreman lost his f@#king mind on these guys. Kicked them out immediately, and got on the phone with their company and told them he didn’t want to see these guys on site again. Lots of choice four letter words were used, even threatened to fire the subcontractor entirely and get someone else to do the work.”

“New guy drove a forklift into a fire hydrant, in front of a safety rep for the company. His supervisor was called over, and he immediately tells the supervisor that he won’t pass a piss test, as he used his only bottle of clean piss earlier that day when he hired in.

Everybody standing there immediately burst into laughter, which continued as security (also laughing) escorted him off site. Even the supervisor was all smiles…just gave him a pat on the back and wished him the best of luck. It was wild.”

“I worked for a small city in LA for many years. I was on the board that interviewed for a new intern for the recreation department. We went through the process, made our choice, made the job offer to a nice, smart girl fresh out of college, she was a little bit of a hippy, casual, relatable, it was fine, all accepted.

The girl showed up with her gigantic pet (anaconda) edited: PYTHON wrapped around her neck on the first day.

She took ‘casual’ to a whole new level, right back out the door. We hired candidate #2 instead.”

“Day 1 of training. Within the 6th hour of a 8 hour shift.

Worked in a old crank handle service elevator at a private residential condominium ( for very very very wealthy people ). We told him just shut up and stare straight ahead. Don’t speak unless spoken to. Cause old rich people are mean and dont care about you.

Well what’s the new guy do? Starts a conversation right away and asks the resident, ” how much money do you make “.”

“My sister was fired one day one. My dad had his own small medical practice and would hire me and my sisters as our “first job” to be his receptionist and file insurance claims, so we could get some workplace experience before we went job hunting in the larger world. My older sister worked for him in high school for a year. I worked for him for 2 years, then it came time for my younger sister to take over. I brought her to work to start training and said the number one rule in the office was, “At work he’s not dad, he’s the doctor and the boss.”

She sassed him in front of a patient her first day, with all the venom and sarcasm a teenage girl can muster when dealing with a parent asking her to do something. He fired her on the spot and I had drag her out of there. Mom told her at least she’d get paid for the couple of hours she managed to be employed.”

“Not the funniest story but a few months before we all started working from home a new guy started and was fired within 1 day as we found out he has past convictions and had actually served part of his sentence in the prison he would be working in.

Didn’t find out until he started and someone recognised him. One of the vetting ladies was fired due to this as well, since she didn’t bother to do his checks properly before he started”

“Ten-ish years ago working at a well known italian chain restaurant in the states, new hire server was only a couple weeks in. Regional manager had come for a surprise visit and as he walked into the kitchen this server proceeded to loudly exclaim “n*gga! Come on!!!” to the line cook. Regional manager was African American, server was white, server clocked out immediately.”

“Guy had been working a few days at a barn. Decided to smoke right by bales of hay. Manager saw him and fired him right on the spot. At farms, you don’t f@#k around with fire.”

“Both were at a restaurant….They hired a doorman. Came to work the first day with a gunbelt locked and loaded. This was a tiny little New England seafood restaurant and he just needed to check IDs of folks going into the bar. He didn’t even get to punch in.

On the line we had Penne ala Vodka on the menu. I don’t want to ruin the magic that is cookery, but that dish had vodka in it. Bossman go suspicious when he noticed when the level of the vodka dropped the odder the behavior or our new saute guy became”

“Couldn’t pass the simple tests given at the end of new hire orientation. Yelled at test facilitator when she wouldn’t just take the test for him.”

“Guy showed up to work on his first day with the smell of alcohol on his breath. (7am) when questioned he admitted to taking a couple swigs on the ways in to calm his first day nerves. Yeah, fired on the spot. Worked here less tha 20 minutes.”

“On the first day, he showed up absolutely REEKING of pot and asked a bunch of people if they would buy him a burger. Later he started acting like we’d been best friends his whole life and told me to call him “snowman” said he could get me anything I wanted and asked if I did heroin smh, the hr lady was walking by and asked to see him in her office. Didn’t see him again”

“I called a temp agency to get someone to help me count inventory. They sent a guy over with a cast on his arm…. That was my first wtf but I went with it because we were just counting parts. Then I came back from lunch and this dude was in my office chair zoned out and drooling on himself with a can of air duster in his lap. I kicked him awake and escorted him out of my warehouse. Never used that temp agency again.”

“New guy started on Monday and was gone by Friday.

The guy hit some racking in the warehouse with the forklift, boss saw him do it, and the guy decided to lie about it when asked if he knew what happened.”

“New director starts, at lunchtime goes to cafeteria, pays for the first salad plate (by weight), then goes back twice for refills without paying. Cafeteria has cameras, cafeteria manager talks to the Partner in charge. New Director fired before the end of day.”

“This happened last week. New girl is hired and right off the bat starts telling me that she regrets taking this job (despite being unemployed for 4 months) because there are so many new people so it must be a bad job because high turnover. (Not really true. We just got bought by a large company and they are hiring more people because we have more business). She tells us all about how its her birthday and shes going drinking after work. Does a no call no show the next day which is her third day.

We all assume she quit. But the next day she comes in and starts just trying to work like nothing happened. The supervisor asked what happened and she said she got in a minor car accident. He asked why she didnt call and she said she doesn’t have a cell phone. Despite being on her cell phone constantly in the office. He decided to give ger one more chance but gave her a lecture about how she needs to communicate properly about missing work, and one more incident will be an automatic firing.

Next day no call no show.”

“I worked at a Doggie Day Care. For group play dogs were put in rooms according to size and we would rotate through the rooms during our shifts. They hired a new girl and on her first day she went into the big dog room and cried hysterically because she was afraid of them.

I don’t think she made it two hours.”

“This was just a summer job at a fast food place. We had a new girl start and within two days it was apparent she was an idiot and everyone knew that. You could already see the manager questioning his decision.

Then on her third day of work she said she couldn’t come in because her mom was in a car accident and in the hospital. Turns out that’s an easy thing to disprove in a relatively small town.”

“Oh, I’ve got one for this! I was hired to do tech support in a call center. On our first day of training there were about 30 of us in a room and we each had our own computer. The instructor said it was okay to use the computer for personal stuff during down time but the only rules were no games and no porn. One guy got fired before lunchtime, because he just couldn’t resist the porn.”

“A week.

I worked in a bar and a new girl started. At work, she seemed a little rough but was fine.

One day she finished a shift, sat at the bar and ordered a red wine with lemonade and ice in it (not really relevant to the story; just shows she is clearly insane). Her boyfriend came in, they had a huge domestic in front of my manager and several customers and she threw her drink over her bf and dramatically stormed out.”

“We had a recent college grad that would use his corporate card for personal purchases. He figured that the company would just keep deducting from his payroll until it was paid off. He was fired after three months of constant reminders to stop doing it. I don’t think it qualifies as the fastest, because he lasted three months, but it was so idiotic.”



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