17 School Years Memories That Aren’t Very Pleasant

Did a stand-up comedy routine at the elementary school talent show that was just me retelling an entire Pinky and the Brain episode. The only things I remember were me awkwardly stopping to remember parts of it, doing a lot of that “and, um, and then” that kids do when they’re trying to tell a story, and the noticeably fake laughter from the faculty.

Coughed and farted simultaneously

I was not paying attention during class and my teacher noticed. We regularly sang different songs together to lighten the mood and the teacher told me to take the lead. I began singing a song we regularly sang at the time about a mosquito named Hubert “I am a small mosquito and Herbert is my name” I sang, everyone, burst into laughter because apparently she had asked me to sing the national anthem.

In 3rd grade I wrote a love letter to a girl I liked, and signed it “iron raptor” because I thought that sounded so f@#king cool.

We were given extra credit to dress up while presenting a report on a historical figure. I dressed up as a slave trader, I’m female so I even used eyeliner to draw a nice beard… This was college and he had meant dress formal. Teacher gave me 10 extra credit points for my humiliation.

Leaned too far forward in my desk and tipped it over. It was the kind where the chair is attached to the desk so I actually got stuck in it. Everyone in the classroom watched as my TA had to run over and tip the desk back upright with me still in it. It was pretty embarrassing and the worst part was when I tried to make a joke about it afterwards, nobody laughed.

Participated in my school’s singing competition. I honestly wish someone told me how bad my singing was before I did. I cringe just thinking about it.

Got caught by the Principal (she saw me through the window during her rounds) while drawing my English teacher nude during her lecture. And she showed the drawing to my father.

Middle school. I’m out walking the halls for some reason. Hottest girl in school is walking up the stairs right in front of me. She trips and faceplants into the stairs. I was so scared to talk to her that I sprinted up the stairs right past her instead of seeing if she was alright. Not sure if she knew it was me, but I felt pretty s@#tty for a while after that.

I went to ran and jump onto a table to impress the girls nearby. As I lifted my foot up to jump, my sock slid across the floor and I went beans first full speed into the edge of the table. Needless to say, my pride was not the only thing bruised that day.

I argued with my high school biology teacher that exhaust from a car’s tailpipe can indeed catch fire. He asked if I had seen it happen before. I said, of course, I had – in “Batman.”

Walked around the hall with my period stained jeans, it was my first and a girl was trying to tell me, but that girl seemed to have a vendetta against me for some reason, and I thought that she was probably trying to poke fun at me or something, so I just ignored her and walked to my P.E class like that, it wasn’t until I sat down that I noticed

When I was a kid I was a chronic liar. I don’t know why but I would lie about even the dumbest things.

Anyway, I told my entire kindergarten class that my dad had died by being struck by lightning. The next week was “Bring your parent to class to talk about their job” and my dad drew the short straw and had to come in. He got a lot of questions about why he wasn’t dead and if it hurt to get struck by lightning.

I used to pretend that I had multiple personalities because I thought it made me cool and attractive.

Playing an icebreaker where you have to pick a cereal box off the ground with your teeth and cannot let your knees or elbows touch the ground. When successful you rip that piece off and the box gets smaller and the task gets harder.

Well, we were down to just a small piece at the end of the game that you’d have to be able to touch your face to the ground essentially to pick it up.

Up for the challenge, I go and try to win the game for those of us remaining who haven’t failed yet. I bend down but my tight khakis ripped right at the crotch level. Oh and I wasn’t wearing boxers.

Picture me, squatted as low as possible teabagging a tiny piece of cardboard with my balls COMPLETELY hanging out in the middle of a circle of like 40 people.

I made a Egyptian rap in seventh grade but I had to do it live it was cringe.

Opened my phone in class with porn still playing.

Declared my love for a girl in the style of Forrest Gump. Picture a twelve-year-old, buck-toothed British kid on the bus home from school essentially screaming “I LOVE YOU, JENAAAAAAAAAAY”, in a terrible Southern US accent…at a girl named Nicola.

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