One guy I met said that English is the true language of God because The Bible is written in English.
I used to work in travel and the amount of people that did not understand the following was staggering: No, there are in fact no ocean bound cruises leaving from Arizona. Yes, it is a shorter flight for your friends from East Coast US to the Caribbean than you in Europe and no, nobody can change that. Yes, if a passport/Visa/Travel Vaccinations are needed for you to travel you will need it and no a manager cannot override this as it is a government requirement.
Customers arguing that their tattoo is backwards while their artist tries to explain that no, your tattoo is fine, it just looks backwards because that’s how mirrors work.
A girl in one of my college classes argued that heart transplants shouldn’t be allowed because “that’s where the feelings are” and the person receiving the heart wouldn’t be the same person anymore.
I’m a physician. Eye doctor specifically. I had a patient just last week who read that Vitamin D helps you resist a Coronavirus infection. Well, he had also read that you can get more Vitamin D by getting more sun. So he wanted to “collect” as much light as possible with his eyes. As a result, he stared at the sun for a solid 60 seconds and burned holes directly into his retinas permanently reducing his vision with no chance at future improvement.
I had a girl ask me how the water got back up a waterfall to fall back down again…. I mean how do you respond to that.
Old boss had a morning routine of walking around the office with a bucket. He was watering all of the plastic flowers.
Friend of mine showered in cold water for a year cause he never thought of turning the other tap to see what it would do.
I used to work for a chatbot app. Our app would text our users every morning with a greeting in a different language, i.e. Hola, Bonjour etc. One day we got blown up by a user saying their account was hacked. She said, “my name is Kim Smith, not Kim Konnichiwa, someone’s hacked my account!” When we explained that our service has been clearly saying hello to her in other languages every day and that konnichiwa is hello in Japanese and her account was fine, she went on a racist rant and said Disney was behind the destruction of America.
People call 911 to ask whether Walmart is open. To report that they didn’t get enough mayo on their burger. To complain that cleanup at a fatality wreck is taking too long. All sorts of silly, out of touch sh*t. Granted, there is probably some level of mental illness and/or substance abuse present in those calls. But still.
At the start of working from home due to Covid, I had a few users submit tickets for “connectivity issues”. These tickets got through 2 lines of support before landing in my queue. Turns out that the corporate WiFi doesn’t follow you home and you need home internet in order to connect to the VPN.
I used to manage a retail store that sold teen clothing, so as expected, I primarily had teens working for me. One employee came to the back room while I was on break and asked what I was eating. Somehow the topic turned to how I should’ve brought chicken for lunch because she wanted chicken. I told her I was vegetarian and therefore don’t eat meat….She tells me chicken is NOT meat. It’s “poultry”, and vegetarians can eat poultry??? She said at the grocery store the aisles list “meat” and “poultry” separately so they’re obviously different. We argued for a couple of minutes before I finally told her to go back to the sales floor. She didn’t last at the job long, but D*MN.
“You know the reason you bury a rattlesnake after you kill it is because bees will eat it, then bees can sting people with rattlesnake venom”
When working at a restaurant, I waited on a large party and gratuity was automatically added by the computer. After handing out the check, a few minutes later the guests comes to me looking very angry. “Whatis this GRAVITY charge? Why you chargin me for GRAVITY?”
I worked with a lady who was remarking on how a friend of hers had lost a bunch of weight. She pondered, “I wonder how many diet cokes she had to drink to do that.”
I teach 6th grade. One time a parent came to me after trying to help their child with math homework and asked, “What number is x worth? It feels like it changes with every problem!”
I used to work in Banff National Park. One day at the end of the tour I was driving some guests back to their hotel and a woman was adamant that Banff was clearly a very dangerous place to visit since we “just let wild animals run around everywhere! They should be in cages!” Had to fight the urge to throw her off the bus pretty hard.
A woman I used to work with who insisted that any animal could reproduce with any other animal. She believed that sperm from any animal was the same and that DNA was irrelevant.
A former coworker was talking about how she wanted to go back to school to get her masters’ degree because she only had a “bachelorette” degree and wanted more job opportunities. I said, “Do you mean a bachelor’s degree?” She INSISTED it was pronounced bachelorette when it was given to a woman. Then she led me back to her office and pointed at her diploma, to the word Baccalaureate, and said, “SEE?! Bachelorette!”
Every time I put on my glasses so I can see better while looking for my glasses.
When my mum unironically claimed that the moon landing was fake because the moon was like 40 time the size of Earth. How that proves it was fake I don’t know. Hate to think she raised me.
When I was in high school, we were reading a short story about what would have happened if the Japanese attacked us back with nuclear weapons after Hiroshima and Nagasaki. A girl in my class raised her hand and said something along the lines of “why does this matter? None of it is real any way”. The teacher had to ask her to clarify, but this girl thought WWII and the bombing of Japan were just from a movie and didn’t actually happen.
The fact Florida had to tell people NOT to shoot at the hurricane.
When I was a sophomore in high school, a classmate asked to borrow a pen, and I lent him one of mine that had the Eiffel Tower on it. He asked where the building was from, and I said Paris. He gave me a confused look and asked where Paris was. Was it further away than Chicago? We were in high school, how the hell did he not know Paris was in France? But whatever, maybe he’s not the brightest. So I inform him that Paris is in France. But he still looks utterly confused. “France, you know, like, FRANCE. From history class? World War II, Napoleon… that France.” He said he was bad at history, and had never heard of France before. He then asked me if it was another state, or was it like a region of our state. I tried to explain that it was another country entirely, and it was in Europe. I remember saying “You know, Europe?! That other continent?” He still looked confused.
Years ago, I had to apply for some kind of government program. I had just closed the doors on a failed business, which was why I was applying for the program. They had me fax all of my earnings and bookkeeping paperwork… most of which had zeroes or negative numbers on them. The person on the phone was looking at the papers I faxed them the day before. Finally, the guy said, “Sir, I’m going to go ahead and transfer you to our financial expert.” We went back and forth for a while and she was obviously confused AF. After 20 minutes or so, she asks me, “What does ‘Sooo’ mean?” I’m confused. I say, “Ma’am, you’re looking at an exact copy of the papers I’m holding in front of me. The word ‘Sooo’ isn’t on any of these pages.” It took me another 10 minutes or so to realize that she, a supposed government agency “FINANCIAL EXPERT,” was mistaking the numeric designation for no money — “$0.00” — for the word “Sooo.”