Stupid

“I bought new jeans.”

“A car that was in front of me today”

’’We might moan about the weather, but we sure know how to make the most of it.’’

"Because I am a dwarf I get a lot of hilarious ones, but one of my favourites was "do you need to get a smaller engine for your car?"

"A girl literally asked me to help her change. We were alone in her house. I respectfully declined for her privacy."

"Hand sharpener right next to an emergency button that immediately calls the local police department and sends the principal to our classroom. It’s been hit about 3 times this marking period"

“This is how they sliced our pizza.”

“My partner and I just bought a Lego storage box from the Lego company, and it has a crevasse where small legos get stuck.”

"My brother has PhDs in bioengineering. We were on a call one day and he was saying "i can't find my phone. Probably my kids took it." Didn't realize until i told him that he was using his phone to talk to me."