Life

"People that pull out in front of you, when no one is driving behind you, and then drive 20 miles an hour."

“It’s never too late to make a change! I just started skydiving a year ago!”

"I went to leave on time, and I was asked if I was working a half day. My manager's argument was that if I could leave on time, I clearly didn't have enough work, and I should be working late every single night."

“I said goodbye to my long nose 5 months ago.”

“My boyfriend surprised me with a kitten today.”

"Well, we could have had the wedding in fall 2019, but my wife wanted more time to make sure everything was perfect, so we decided to have it in April 2020."

"Who ate all the cherries in the cherry cake. I was blamed for this for YEARS after someone picked out all of the cherries and ate them during a family Christmas party. 8 years later my little sister confessed to me that it had been her."

“We really take post-op care seriously at my job. And cuddles are the best medicine.”

"I’m a pretty positive person in general and I love making dumb puns or jokes. Even at my expense I feel like it’ll get a chuckle."

"Teenagers are just kids. It’s something I quite literally was not capable of understanding until I wasn’t a teenager anymore. When I was a teenager I felt soooo grown up."

"Jumping down from a height greater than a few feet. As a kid I could jump off a roof and roll with it, nowadays if I land funny I fear I’ll be paralyzed for life."

“My monthly grocery bill has dropped by about $100 since I started only buying groceries one day per week. I buy my groceries on Mondays and only the things that I need for the meals that I’ve planned.”

"Has anyone tried to learn to do a handstand as an adult? How is that SO DIFFICULT"

“My friend’s 14-year-old daughter declared, “I need money to get a tattoo!” as she had decided to get a tattoo on her face. While her mother was taking medicine and trying to calm herself down, my friend (her dad) and his daughter were discussing the details. They made a decision to visit …

“My husband used my favorite knife as a garden tool.”

"Julie is very big into fad diets (Atkins, keto, South Beach) and every year she sends me a list of foods that she cannot eat and a list of things that she can."