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"She likes to collect bird beaks."

"I’m a pretty positive person in general and I love making dumb puns or jokes. Even at my expense I feel like it’ll get a chuckle."

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"Teenagers are just kids. It’s something I quite literally was not capable of understanding until I wasn’t a teenager anymore. When I was a teenager I felt soooo grown up."

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“Creep” by Radiohead (1993), “…Baby One More Time” by Britney Spears (1998), “Enter Sandman” by Metallica (1991)...

"I once asked a girl, “Where have you been all my life?” Her response was, “I don’t know, but I wish I was still there.”"

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I went home early, didn’t finish my shift, because f@#k em. But when I got home I decided to call my local OSHA inspector and report them for not having a certified operator on staff, as well as numerous other hazards.

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"When I saw my dad, naked, filling my stocking (not a euphemism.)"

“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”

"Has anyone tried to learn to do a handstand as an adult? How is that SO DIFFICULT"

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So I was hunting for a rental house for the valentines day weekend and wasn’t finding much, so I popped into the local Craigslist page and found a place at a decent but very believable price.

"Julie is very big into fad diets (Atkins, keto, South Beach) and every year she sends me a list of foods that she cannot eat and a list of things that she can."

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Connecticut – Mashed Potatoes, Virginia – Mac and Cheese, Montana – Mashed Potatoes...

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"I saw my doppelgänger while driving in a parking lot. We passed each other going super-slow, and made eye contact. We both started laughing, and then continued on. My wife was sitting in the passenger seat, and saw him as well. It was super weird, and really fun for whatever reason. We still talk about it 10 years later. I regret not stopping and finding the guy to take a photo together."

So this takes place in South Africa and there is an Insurance and Investment company that we will call Green Grubber that is notorious for not paying out on funeral policies.

"Pissed all over a weirdo in San Fran. Totally not into that but some nut job offered me 100 bucks to piss all over his torso in the middle of a park in near the city."